Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Today...nap time...grieving
Just after Ben woke up from his nap today, he was very upset, hung his head, and was on the verge of crying. He was not liking mommy and daddy and was especially angry at mommy, refusing to look at me or take food from me and pushing my hands away. It was heart-breaking to watch him look away from us off into the distance with glassy red eyes, remembering his nannies and little friends, most of whom have been, are being, or will be adopted. I had to go into the bathroom and have a cry for him. It took him an hour or two to let the grieving go, forget for the day, and perk up to his bubbly self again. We had a great rest of the day until bedtime. We just laid him down to bed, which he took as a rejection from daddy...he started crying and refused to have anything to do with daddy until daddy pulled him out of the crib, laid with him in daddy's bed for a while until Ben was sleepy and then moved him back there. Poor little Shan Shan.
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11 comments:
It sounds like you are handling ben's emotions well....in three days he will look like a different kid to you, and by the time you get to Guangzhou it will be like you've been together for a long time.
Heather, AP to 4, including a little SuZhou cutie.
Hang in there. I adopted my older daughter as a 12 month old, and my younger daughter, as a 32 month old. Two totally different experiences. My older daughter was just happy to have a mama; my younger one was not. My younger one has now been home for 32 months, and continues to make progress each month. From what you're describing, you're way ahead of where we were, many months into our life together. Are you signing with Ben? May help with the transition. I used it with both my daughters. Sleep tight tonight!
Jeana
I have yet to meet a 3 year old who likes to go to bed. Wait til he is a teenager and you won't be able to get him out of bed :-}. He has no idea how much you guys love and care for him. He'll soon figure it out. You guys have so much to look forward to as you watch Ben blossom.
Heather
Sounds like he just needs some time to adjust. Poor little fella'! I'm making the "sad face" right now. At 3, he knows whats going on, understandably, will miss those he's been with at the orphanage.
Like others have said, just hang in there! Sounds like you're doing everything right.
Our thoughts & prayers continue to be with you!
-Brad
I'm sending you guys some big hugs, I know how hard it is to feel rejected!!! Tonito wanted nothing to do with me- but I can tell you that now we are in love wtih each other! It took him a while to warm up, but we could see he was a hppy, loving boy (just didn't want us to replace his aiyi's!) Just hang in a little longer and I bet he will come around! On the bright side, he was loved and taken care of while he was waiting for his mommy and daddy!
Sending lots of love. I can imagine how hard this is on your mommy and daddy heartstrings, but one day he will know how much you loved him even before you had him in your arms.
I just pulled up your pictures for Andrew to look at He got sooooo excited when he saw Ben and then he wanted to look closely at each picture. He even had to check out what Ben had in his hand and I'm pretty sure he was saying his name over and over.
Heather
Dear Sally & Bob, congratulations on finally meeting your son! What an amazing experience it must have been. It sounds like you had a wonderful first Gotcha Day and then today you had a few ups & downs with a toddler. Hang in there and continue the wonderful bonding process. We cannot wait to meet Ben at Christmas in Chicago! Love, Michael, Monica & Isabel
Sending you some cyber ((hugs)). Chloe didn't want too much to do with me while we were in China. Each day got better. I'll never forget the looks she would give me when she woke up-quite dirty looks. It didn't take too long after we were home for her to completely adore Mommy. It is hard to go through that though-for both of you.
thank u everyone! i expected it so i'm not disappointed or anything like that. he's doing great today.
I just checked your blog, and see that you are not only in China, but you have Ben!! Praise God!!!
It is so great to see that he finally has his Mama and Baba and you have your boy. Congratulations!!
Still praying for you all!
Vicky
(friends with the Porters - Hi Heather, Love you guys)
DH Vern
DS Cole 16
DD Hailey 13
DD Ella Meilyn almost 2 (Dec. 23rd)
Fuling SWI, Chongqing
Forever Family Day Oct. 15, 2007
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