Dec. 16 and 17...pics of last days in China and trip home

Grant Mast and Ben Shan Shan:

With our Guangzhou guide Shiyan:

All the adoptive moms and kids in our group: Sallie with Daniel, Me with Ben, Raelyn with Ciarra Grace, Shana with Kianna, and Lori with Grant:

The welcoming committee at O'Hare: Bob's parents Janet and Chuck and Becky Morales and her three little ones, Tonito, Maya, and Vivi:

Long overdue back home post

Again, there's so much I could say that I don't know where to begin. I'll be honest...the trip home was horridly difficult. The wake up at 4:00 a.m. 26-hour two-flight with long lay-over trip home with no sleep for mommy, nausea for Ben and mommy, a terrifying airplane toilet for ben, and other complications were um, stressful. It took the rest of the week to recover.

Ben is sitting on my lap right now, as I type, and as we have some breakfast stuff...fruit bars and yogurt. Ben is adjusting so well, considering what he's been through and the big change at his age.

Daddy took him sledding a couple of days ago and he absolutely loved it. We went to Target with him to get him some wear he doesn't have, like shoes, a belt, and smaller socks. He loves shopping, trying on clothes, and seeing that we're getting things for him. He probably had to share everything at the orphanage so this is probably a novelty for him.

Overall, we are doing really well. By the time Ben got home, he was through having occasional "unexplainable" sadness when waking up, due to his transition from the orphanage to us and missing old nannies and friends. We have smothered him with 24-7 attention and love and he appears to have fully bonded with us to the point of clingyness due to severe separation anxiety. He is now afraid that he will be separated from us because it's happened to him four times before, at least one time in recent memory...poor little guy...he cries when daddy leaves the house and it breaks my heart....less and less now as he learns that daddy comes back. Today is daddy's first day back to work and we waved goodbye to him, but I'm expecting a lot of "baaba na?"s throughout the day, which means "Where is daddy?" or "I don't see daddy."

Benjamin Youshan Schmid has transitioned from being called "Shan Shan" to "Ben Shan Shan." Eventually, the "Shan Shan" can be dropped, unless, of course, he decides that he prefers to keep his nickname "Shan Shan." It was given by the orphanage, not his birth mother, and his British foster mom who lived in the same city as the orphanage called him Crissy for 1.5 years from age 1 to age 2 and 1/2, but he had the nickname Shan Shan (short for Youshan) last in China (for a year) and if he wants to keep it, I won't take that away from him.

Sleeping is a little bit of an issue due to his separation anxiety. He insists on falling asleep lying sandwiched in between Bob and I. Once he's in a deep sleep, after about 15 minutes, we carry his little body into his toddler bed, which is right next to our beds right now. Even though his bed is in our room, right next to our beds and the doggies' beds, he will have a heartbreaking meltdown if we set him into his bed as if we are rejecting him...He must be laying right next to us in order to fall asleep. He usually sleeps the whole night in a deep sleep, but this past Saturday night became a real problem b/c he woke up at 2:00 a.m. Bob and I had a nice quiet evening together after we got him to sleep and went to bed between midnight and 1:00 a.m. At 2:00 a.m.e started balling and we were up with him for a good two hours until 4:15 a.m. We ended up missing church...guess we'll go next Sunday! Even though he's really outgoing most of the time, I think he needs at least a week of practicing short quiet times before he's expected to sit quietly for an extended period, anyway. He uses his little voice often to grunt to get our approval for something, show us something, get a hug, or tell us he needs to go potty.

He has become quite comfortable and started testing his boundaries with us in China...the "no" and displeased mommy/daddy face no longer cuts it when he occasionally decides to be a stinker. At that point, we have to either look really mad and serious and say "no" in a raised voice and/or set him on a bed or couch. Even though we are nearby, he understands that this is a time-out and stays there and gets in a depressed and angry at mommy and daddy and the world funk for like 20 minutes. Sometimes we cheer him up and out of his funk if we can, to let him know we still love him. Sometimes, he just has to decide when he's through with his bad mood, which he stubbornly hangs onto for a while.

We are now making paper snowflakes in between my typing spirts...He seems to be obsessed with cutting paper shapes right now...even though it's difficult for him and he gets frustrated.

Overall, he's a well-behaved affectionate people pleaser, but does get in stinker-repeat action even though mommy/daddy tried to stop me a couple of times mood every now and then. He's extremely affectionate and clingy and needs us to look at something, approve of something, get a hug, or interact in some other way every few minutes right now, so it's very very difficult and slow to get anything done. We play with him a lot, but he wants that all day. Right now, I am helping him cut paper designs and approving between typing sentences. He had to go potty twice during this entry so far...ok, TMI. ;o)

Awesome things about our Ben: God gave him to us and he's such a blessing. He's a joy and loves to smile and giggle most of the time. He's loves routine and being neat and clean, meaning he likes to do things like wash his hands and pick up toys when he's through playing with them. He sleeps well and is potty trained. He likes the doggies and treats them well.

Tiring things about 3-yr-old boys: He wants constant interaction and it's difficult to get anything done. He's very active and squirmy and goes from getting into one thing to another thing a few minutes later. I've been teaching him patience with the word "wait" and he's getting a little better.

He had forgotten all English he learned from his foster mom by the time we got him, which I expected, but we re-learned how to count to 10 and he now knows how to use basic phrases: mommy, baa-ba (daddy), hello and goodbye (in English and Mandarin), eat, water, car, bus, train, plane, doggies, home, go potty (in English and Mandarin), sleep, Christmas tree, I love you (in English and Mandarin), and thank you (in English and Mandarin). He understands other often-repeated phrases when we say them and he joyfully speaks his dialect to us, unaware that we can't speak his language. However, we've figured out certain phrases. He says "ah-mee-na" when he wants the word for something b/c when we give him the word, he is satisfied, and uses the phrase for that response over and over. He seems to say "na" when he's telling us to look at something or when he's looking for something. Like, when he wondered where the doggies were or where daddy is, he says, "doggies na?" "baba na?" he'll point to something he accomplished and say, "na."

Something precious that he loves to say over and over again every since mommy kept saying it one time when he was crying because daddy left the house is "Baaba, Shan Shan, Mommy, doggies, home."

I will post pictures soon of our last days in China and some pics from home...Love to all and thanks to everyone for their support!

Healing with time...

Ben woke up happy and giggly the past 3 mornings, unlike before, which is great to see. He did wake up sad today from his nap and only wanted to put his face in the pillow when we came near him. After a while, he decided to forget and perk up to his bubbly self.

In Guangzhou

We have been in Guangzhou since Friday night; it's Monday night as I type this. We are in Guangzhou because this is where the US consulate is at. We were very ready to come home last Thursday before we even got to Guangzhou, while at the same time looking forward to the warmer climate down here. One more full day tomorrow and we come home Wednesday. We have to wake up at 4:00 a.m. to leave...ugh.

The part of Guangzhou we are in is very nice; the buildings have an old world European flair. It was wonderful to see the palm trees after getting off the plane. The White Swan hotel is absolutely amazingly beautiful, with a waterfall and pond inside by the dining room and big windows that look out on a bay. The breakfasts are delicious and Ben enjoys watching the boats going by while he's eating. We have been hanging out with the Mast family, going shopping and walking around outside and visiting the hotel's playroom with our boys.

The days have been flying by with this busy little guy. He was Mr. I want to please the first couple of days and a simple "no" and displeased face worked. Then, he got really comfortable quickly and started to test his boundaries by doing things like flipping the light switch on and off, even after 5 or more "no"s and pulling his hands away. So, we had to move to a raised voice "no" and pick him up and put him on the bed. When we do that, he knows it's a time out, gets upset enough to stop, and just sits there until we go to him a few minutes later to cheer him up and reassure him we still love him. He's really well-behaved whenever we're out and overall, he's a really good little guy. He's just a very active 3-year-old boy and loves discovering anything new, taking things apart, and is learning that there's a lot of things mama and baba don't want him getting into.

The orphanage staff said that he's a little actor, and we found that is so true. He is a Drama King. Our first night at dinner, we ate at this wonderful restaurant called Lucy's outside on a patio with palm trees decorated with lights. We waited a while for our food and Ben thought he would entertain both himself and us. Bob and I were laughing so hard, we were crying. Ben started mimicking things he saw us do during the day...He pretended to drop pills in his mouth and swallow them, went through all the motions of taking a bath and washing, and reinacted the difficult time Bob had opening a jar the day before, including tapping the jar on the sink and then pretending to try to open it with a scrunched up frustrated face just like Bob had! Ben is highly visual and imaginative; he loves looking at pictures, drawing, pretend-play, books, and dancing. He also appears to be a vain little guy, as he loves looking at himself in the mirror and posing for pictures.

I think Bob is finding out that kids are a lot of work, but Ben is such a joy to us and we are so blessed to have him. We love his cute little giggling and voice when he says "ah baba" over and over, which means, in his dialect, that he loves baba. He comes to us often for huggies and is very affectionate most of the time. He has started to say "ah mama" too.

Our friends on the trip; wish they lived in Chicago:

Ben loves the traditional Chinese outfit we bought him. Here, he wears the hat:

In the playroom:

This is when Ben was enjoying posing for Grant's mama, Lori Mast. After you take a picture of him, he insists on running to the camera to see how it turned out:

Bouncing up and down with buddy Grant Mast:

Posing again for Lori:

The socks I bought for him are way too big. Ben pulled them up all the way past his knees over his long pjs and started running around like that and laughing; he had us laughing too:

Ben getting his required medical checkup:

Bob and Ben the second night we ate at Lucy's. Lucy's serves American food and Bob thinks that this was a welcome break from noodles and rice. Ben loved his glasses baba bought him until he broke them:

Our last full day in Nanjing.

Ben and Baa-ba on a bridge

Boats had colorful lights on them:

View from bridge:

Sally and Ben at a lake in Nanjing:

From the top of the Emperor's tomb in Nanjing.

Ben and Bob near the bottom of the Emperor's tomb.

Today and yesterday at the orphanage

Ben on baa-ba's lap on the bus

One of the directors of Ben's orphanage (holding Ben) and a nanny who stepped in the picture...not one of Ben's nanny's so I'm not sure why or how she came to be in the picture....ha ha...

A market on the main street outside of the orphanage:

Walking to Ben's abandonment place:
He was left near Dapuji Bridge:
A woman and her daughter also walking down the road to the bridge...Notice the hanging ducks and clothes on the tree branches of someone's home:
On the way back to the orphanage:
Standing in front of the gate to the orphanage

With three of his nannies in his room at the orphanage:
We brought candy and Ben handed out a piece of candy to each child in his room:
Ben sits on the bed that he slept in:

Ben with the section chief and his teacher in the classroom:
Ben hands out candy in the classroom:
Ben sits near where he used to sit in the classroom:
Playground outside at the orphanage that foreign volunteers made possible:

Administration staff members have lunch for us, our Nanjing guide Linda (next to Bob), and our driver, not pictured:
The orphanage is part of a government complex that also houses the elderly. Here is a garden area in the complex:
Building where we had lunch:
Residences along a river in Nanjing:


Ben eats dinner with Baa-ba at the Mandarin Garden hotel in Nanjing:
He feeds himself; he doesn't want anyone to help him:

I woke up to Ben babbling and giggling this morning...he's doing really well so far today and as usual, he was really happy in the evening yesterday.

We went to the orphanage yesterday. When we got on the bus to go, he was not wanting to be by mommy, I think because he came to us on a bus...Perhaps he thought we were taking him back...I hated to see him upset, but I felt we should visit, take pictures and gain information for him...something he will appreciate later. He was a little upset as we got closer to the orphanage, but then perked up when he went around visiting the orphanage staff, his old nannies, and his old classmates and roomates. He's very outgoing. He was fine when he said goodbye to everyone and was better on the way back. My guess is that he now thinks we are living in this hotel room from now on and going to make visits back to the orphanage.

We visited the place where Ben was abandoned...Dapuji Bridge. It was a small bridge...not for cars...fairly close to the orphanage. The path to it was a very narrow winding dirt road...only for walking and bikes. The walk was very third world...the poorest part of China that we've seen yet...actually, the poorest area we've ever walked through in our lifetime. First, we went down a main street a little ways. There were small open markets and everything imaginable was going on in the street...a man killing chickens on the ground, a child relieving herself right by the stall of fruit her parents were selling...the smells were pungent.

Then we turned left to walk down the narrow path to the bridge. There were tiny dusty stone houses no larger than one room in our home with a few items inside like a mat for sleeping. On the other side for a little were apartments. They opened up onto the dirt path littered with old garbage, like pieces of tile and dishes. Dead ducks to be eaten hung on rusty barbed wire alongside clothes that were air drying. Women sat outside their doors making things like shoes, probably to be sold at a market somewhere. They smiled at us, ironically much more friendly than some of the cold stone glances from women walking in furs and go go boots on Beijing and Nanjing shopping streets. A man was washing linens in a small plastic tub in the path and old men sat on the side chatting with each other and yelling "hello" at us. We passed a girl with a young boy who looked way too young to be a mother...perhaps, hopefully she wasn't mom. All the way there, I was wondering if any of the women and men we encountered could be one of Ben's birth parents. If Ben came from the area he was abandoned in, I highly doubt his mom had proper nutrition and can understand why children could come out malformed in some way.