Silly Sallymander's Site

2009-09-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

My niece Isabelita's Chicago B-day Bash

2009-05-18T05:23:00.000-07:00

Ben loved the Curious George theme:

Ben and the other kiddies enjoy fruit:

Pinata!

Grandma and Grandpa Schmid:

Ben says, This is MY grandpa:

More Ben in action pics: March-April

2009-04-22T14:22:00.001-07:00

Going to the park with Grandpa Tom and Bear:

This past weekend, we went shopping at H&M, where Ben got a new hat. He's crazy about his new hat and the vain little man asked me to take his picture in it:

On a playdate with Jimmy Yanez Dravenack:

On a playdate with Keltie Cornyn; this might have actually been taken in Feb:

On a playdate with Noli Ostlie:

Baking shape cookies:

Playdo:

Finger painting:

Tea party with Bear:

My boy celebrates his mommy's main heritage on St. Pat's...we'll call him Chirish:

Brookfield Zoo trip

2009-04-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

An ape relaxes in the ape house to people watch while we ape watch:

Ben brushes a goat in the petting zoo:

About to start the zoo merry-go-round. Ben has a great natural smile, but his purposed smile is a little, um, forced looking. The zoo merry-go-round is made up of all different animals, instead of the traditional horses...It was really neat:

Coming around:

Oh boy, mommy and daddy bought me a monkey to take home:

Whew, the zoo was fun, but tiring:

10 years and blessed to still be so much in love!

2009-02-27T07:35:00.000-08:00

Today is Bob and my 10-year anniversary. I can't believe I've been married 10 years! I am so blessed to have my wonderful hubbie with whom I have so many wonderful memories!

Italy 2004:

Nevis Island 2005:

Camping in Wisconsin 2007:

Italy 2008:

China 2008:

Progress

2009-02-27T06:19:00.001-08:00

Ben now knows so much English that I couldn't even sum up what he can say...He probably knows more vocabulary than communicative English, but he has learned a lot in the way of communicative English as well. He's not what I would call fluent and is not nearly where his native peers are, but he's come a long way for being home only 9-10 weeks.

The second month Ben was home, he became much more toddler-like and was pretty difficult on and off for a few weeks. He's a sweetie, but like typical 3 and 1/2 year olds, stubbornly wants his way sometimes. He is very well behaved most of the time in public, knock on wood, and that because of that, everyone thinks he's an angel. On most days during the past couple of weeks, he's been pretty good all day until dinnertime and after, what my neighbor friend, mother of a 2-year-old, likes to call, "the bewitching hours." So he pretty much returned to being a good boy overall. Occasionally, he has a bad day.

Ben is about 3 and a half. I am reading a book on 3-year-olds right now and I guess it's typical for 2.5 year olds to be difficult, 3-year-olds to be surprisingly obliging and then for those 3-year-olds to go back to being difficult around age 3 and a half. I talked to two moms who saw this in their own kids...wow...I never knew there was a back and forth progression and regression...interesting! Of course, there's many more life factors involved in Ben's behavior. He has the clinginess of a one-year-old due to separation anxiety.

He is still demanding when it comes to being the focus of my attention 24-7 and gets pretty difficult when I'm doing things like typing this entry...sometimes engaging things like making a mess cutting paper will keep him occupied (like now), but most times, he's on my lap whining, tugging, and can't wait until my morning e-mail and facebook check is over with. He's not satisfied with playing with any toys unless I'm engaged in it. I let him watch TV while I do my devotions. He gets a lot of mommy's attention with lap time, learning, playing, shopping, going on playdates, etc., but I think he'd only be 100% happy if I just stopped with this nonsense of cleaning house, taking care of responsibilities and problems, making phone calls, and talking with other adults. It can be pretty difficult to get anything done, especially because I try to engage Ben in most things because he is right there getting his hands into everything, and because everytime I go upstairs or downstairs in my 3-level house, which is often, I walk slowly, holding Ben's hand. I am not complaining...I love my little companion and I realize that he will have both baby and toddler needs, as we play catch up, due to his past.

He's starting to like seeing certain friends, but I have yet to see him interact with them too much...He's mostly still doing parallel play, entertaining himself by looking at all the toys other kids have at their homes, and trying to engage me more than his playmate. I was wowed to see him and a couple of kids all playing with his kitchen last weekend; he actually handed them a couple of things.

Ben endearingly tells us he loves us a million times a day, giving us kissies, asking for huggies and lap time. We are so blessed to have such a sweet son! The most important issue is whether or not I'm a good mommy. At times, I'm not as patient as I should be, but God is working on me!

Ben in action

2009-02-25T07:16:00.000-08:00

Jimmy (son of Johanna Yanez) and Ben at a neighborhood park in Chicago:

It was the only blissfully warm spring-like day so far in February:

Aunt Monica and Cousin Isabel were in town!

Ben with nextdoor neighbor and best buddy Jonathan at Two Toots restaurant in town:

Kids love this place...Food is delivered on a train that runs back and forth past the tables:

Ben loves riding the old horsie there:

He often says "horsie up and down" at home:

Ben's favorite toy ever...His very own kitchen, which is placed in mommy's kitchen, of course!

Slicing a strawberry...nothing like boiled strawberries?

We were at the dollar store when Ben spotted this baby and said, "Baby...Take it home?!" He's being a good daddy here:

Ben took this picture of one of his bears and Pluto whom he likes to cook for:

Pounding nails:

Unscrewing a bolt:

A few of Ben's fav books: The Wheels on the Bus, Go Dog Go and Big Dog Little Dog, which was daddy's in the 70s or early 80s. The Wheels on the Bus is a pop-up...He's spinning a wheel here:

Chinese New Year celebrations

2009-02-10T05:18:00.001-08:00

Feb. 1, Chinatown, Lao Sze Chuan restaurant, the best place to eat Chinese food in Chicago:

Friends Bob, Kevin, and Jean:
Chinatown's Chinese New Year parade: The lion walks through:

And, the dragon:

Ben loves his traditional Chinese garb that we bought in China:

Feb. 7, My playgroup's Chinese New Year celebration:

The lion dance:

Dancing mom and her 2 daughters:

One of the dancers poses with us and his headdress:

Ben's Suzhou sister Chloe and her mommy, Beth:
Now why would the kiddos look at the camera?

The chocolate give-away:

Ben with his friends Tonito and Vivi:

Evin and Ethan in the front, with cutie pie Maya on the right:

Talking with the Morales family:

Progress

2009-02-05T12:09:00.000-08:00

I finally left Ben alone for an hour in his Thursday morning class today at CBS (Community Bible Study). There was another day when I left twice for a few minutes each. I thought it might be time for him to see that I come back. He cried when I left, but quickly stopped, one of his teachers said. I was able to sit in on my study for a little while, though I sat wondering if he was being difficult because he was angry. The teachers said he did very well...yay! The children's program there is wonderful...play time, craft time, story time, sharing time, gym time, snack time, and music time...Ben loves it!

Mr. Ben also now likes watching cartoons, which sometimes gives me a break to actually read something. Although, I must be sitting near him with my arm around him in order for him to watch. He'll also watch if my hubbie and I are working out in the same room. He's obsessed with Mickey Mouse right now. I try to limit TV for Ben to 1.5 hours a day...I want him to use his brain, imagination, and motor skills.

He's also starting to care about stuffed animals, which is good, because he already has an abundance of them. It's so cute watching him carry Pluto around, talking to him and tucking him into his toddler bed.

Latest pics

2009-01-21T09:44:00.000-08:00

During an adoptive moms playgroup, at Fox Valley Mall, on the carousel:

Nice and cozy: The fire is keeping us warm this cold winter. We were attempting to get a good picture of all 3 of us:

The doggies are becoming more tolerant of each another; I guess they are allies now that Ben is home. :o)

Our Ben, very imaginative, extroverted, demandingly interactive, and silly

2009-01-12T13:48:00.000-08:00

Ben started off more attached to daddy, but the first week Bob went back to work in December, he became more attached to mommy. I am so amazed at how well the transition went overall and how adaptive Ben was to his new environment.

Ben loves to do about everything...play in the snow, sled, play in the bath, put on different clothes, draw and color, build with his blocks and leggos, push his cars thru leggo bridges, play with his garbage and other big trucks, put simple jigsaw puzzles together, take things apart and put them back together, look thru books and have mommy and daddy read books to him or tell him the names of things, listen to musical toys, push buttons on anything, pretend to play the piano, help mommy unload the dishwasher, mimick just about everything mommy and daddy do, etc. etc. He doesn't care for watching cartoons, though, and generally finds TV boring unless there's singing and dancing he can try to mimick or real-life planes and trucks wizzing by. That doesn't bother me...we only have one TV --in the basement-- and I only watch it while working out or on a cold friday or saturday evening with my hubbie.

Like I said, Ben is highly visual. Just one example: he nibbled away at a piece of bread the other day during lunch to shape it like the boat he plays with in the bath and then pretended like it was floating around. Though his drawn shapes look pretty darn messy to me, our caseworker who visited the other day was impressed with the circles he was drawing with his left hand and said he has very good fine motor skills for a 3-yr-old. He uses both hands well right now...don't know which hand he'll end up using. He mimicks body movements and facial expressions hilariously well for his age and if he doesn't do something creative or kinesthetic when he grows up, I'll be surprised. She was also surprised at how much English he has picked up. He uses many phrases and words now, such as "I need go potty," "there you go," "come on," "give me," "mommy sick" and "Ben Shan Shan--mommy go bye bye," counts to 10 unprompted, knows shapes and is learning letters, colors, the difference between left and right, etc.

Relatively speaking, for 3-yr-olds, Ben isn't a picky eater...he'll eat most things, excluding bland meats, things that are too spicy with hot peppers, and raw tomatoes. One problem though is that if he has potato chips or french fries to go with a sandwich or chicken fingers, he'll fill up on the potatoes so I have to make sure he doesn't have access to all of the potatoes until he finishes eating the protein. He also plays a tiring dinner game sometimes, where he says he's finished eating, pushes his plate away, and asks to get down... and then once we get him down from the table, he starts whining that he wants to eat again. He can keep doing this and dinner can take a while...We had to limit it and really take it away after a few times...He's getting a little better with it.

Ben is all about getting attention, making sure our eyes are always on him, and staying glued to us. He has stopped crying when I use the washroom or take a shower. He is so full of love and gives Bob and I a million kissies a day. As with any toddler, he has his occasional control issues and stubborn moments and needs a time out. Time-outs have been very effective so far....Knock on wood! He doesn't throw temper-tantrums...knock on wood again! :o)

Chicago Botanical Garden

2009-01-12T13:14:00.001-08:00

We visited the Christmas and Chicago landmarks train display at the Chicago Botanical Garden a day before they closed it. Here Ben and Cousin Isabel watch a train go by.

Aunt Monica, Isabel, Grandma Schmid, Ben, and Grandpa Schmid.

With mommy in front of some of the neat miniature residences:

A train display outside of the main train display:

A morning waking up with Mickey:

Miscellaneous pics taken in December...Ben's first couple of weeks home

2009-01-06T06:35:00.000-08:00

Ben likes to line things up, like orange slices; and, if he had it his way, he would exist on oranges, macadamia nuts, chocolate, french fries, and milk....I limit the chocolate and french fries. But he's not picky, so I'm able to feed him a balanced diet, thankfully.

We are learning the alphabet and numbers. He can repeat 1-10 and the alphabet and can count to 5 and say A-D without prompts so far. He is also picking up English words and phrases quickly.

This was the day daddy took him sledding.

Our little comedian with his pants pulled up over his little round belly. Ben photographs a lot older than he really looks in real life; but I think this pic shows how young and adorable he really looks.

With Uncle Dan

New Year's Eve and Day

2009-01-05T09:01:00.000-08:00

No big parties this New Year's Eve...but we did have a nice little low-key early evening get-together with Uncle Brad and Auntie Susan:

Ben puts his puzzles together once again, though they are a bit challenging for him right now:
Miss Susan is so happy that the beautiful sweater she made Ben fits him so well:

Next day, New Year's Day, at the Museum of Science and Industry! Ben loved the Big Idea kids section; here, he is pouring water & making wheels turn:

Pushing a truck down ramps; Ben loves Uncle Dan, who came with us! :

Eating in the cafe:

On an old trolley near the miniature trains:

At home resting from the overload of stimuli!!! :

Christmas 2008

2009-01-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve at Grandma Dawn and Grandpa Tom's. I believe he was opening his walking and barking battery operated doggie:Grandpa shows Ben how to push his beautiful new Polar Express train, or is he playing?
Choo choo:
Ben Shan Shan tries on daddy's new hat:

Christmas morning at home with Ben Shan Shan and our furry babies. Mickey plays with his new rabbit:

Sienna plays, or shall we say kills, her bunny:

Baaba and mommy give Ben a set of additional animals for his Noah's Ark boat:

Oooh it's an airplane:

A 4-puzzle set that we weren't sure Ben would like, but he's put them together many times since Xmas. He loves taking things apart and putting them back together:

Later, Bob's family. Here, Uncle Michael and Isabel:

and Aunt Monica:

Isabel and Ben play with Ben's Polar Express set:

Books from Isabel and Grandma and Grandpa Schmid that Ben will enjoy when he gets old enough to understand them:

Car transport truck from Uncle Dan...Ben loves to load his many matchbox cars on it:

A book from Monica's brother and fam that Ben loves:

A learning and music board from Grandma and Grandpa Schmid that Ben loves to play with:

Isabel looks at the fruit set from Ben for her kitchen:

Ben also loves his blocks from Grandpa and Grandma Schmid:

Grandma and Grandpa also gave Ben and daddy a fighter pilot set that only daddy will play with until Ben gets old enough to join him:

Day after Xmas at the Daley Center downtown. Seeming as how Ben is about 2/3 my height, it's a little difficult for me to carry him:

Saturday after Xmas...Xmas celebration with Great Uncle Terry, Great Aunt Donna, and seconds cousins Steve and Dave. Here, with mommy and baaba:

Uncle Dan, our sweetie, Grandma Schmid, and Cousin Isabel:

Dave, Ben, Terry, Donna:

Steve:

Dec. 16 and 17...pics of last days in China and trip home

2008-12-31T06:52:00.000-08:00

Grant Mast and Ben Shan Shan:

With our Guangzhou guide Shiyan:

All the adoptive moms and kids in our group: Sallie with Daniel, Me with Ben, Raelyn with Ciarra Grace, Shana with Kianna, and Lori with Grant:

The welcoming committee at O'Hare: Bob's parents Janet and Chuck and Becky Morales and her three little ones, Tonito, Maya, and Vivi:

Long overdue back home post

2008-12-22T05:48:00.000-08:00

Again, there's so much I could say that I don't know where to begin. I'll be honest...the trip home was horridly difficult. The wake up at 4:00 a.m. 26-hour two-flight with long lay-over trip home with no sleep for mommy, nausea for Ben and mommy, a terrifying airplane toilet for ben, and other complications were um, stressful. It took the rest of the week to recover.

Ben is sitting on my lap right now, as I type, and as we have some breakfast stuff...fruit bars and yogurt. Ben is adjusting so well, considering what he's been through and the big change at his age.

Daddy took him sledding a couple of days ago and he absolutely loved it. We went to Target with him to get him some wear he doesn't have, like shoes, a belt, and smaller socks. He loves shopping, trying on clothes, and seeing that we're getting things for him. He probably had to share everything at the orphanage so this is probably a novelty for him.

Overall, we are doing really well. By the time Ben got home, he was through having occasional "unexplainable" sadness when waking up, due to his transition from the orphanage to us and missing old nannies and friends. We have smothered him with 24-7 attention and love and he appears to have fully bonded with us to the point of clingyness due to severe separation anxiety. He is now afraid that he will be separated from us because it's happened to him four times before, at least one time in recent memory...poor little guy...he cries when daddy leaves the house and it breaks my heart....less and less now as he learns that daddy comes back. Today is daddy's first day back to work and we waved goodbye to him, but I'm expecting a lot of "baaba na?"s throughout the day, which means "Where is daddy?" or "I don't see daddy."

Benjamin Youshan Schmid has transitioned from being called "Shan Shan" to "Ben Shan Shan." Eventually, the "Shan Shan" can be dropped, unless, of course, he decides that he prefers to keep his nickname "Shan Shan." It was given by the orphanage, not his birth mother, and his British foster mom who lived in the same city as the orphanage called him Crissy for 1.5 years from age 1 to age 2 and 1/2, but he had the nickname Shan Shan (short for Youshan) last in China (for a year) and if he wants to keep it, I won't take that away from him.

Sleeping is a little bit of an issue due to his separation anxiety. He insists on falling asleep lying sandwiched in between Bob and I. Once he's in a deep sleep, after about 15 minutes, we carry his little body into his toddler bed, which is right next to our beds right now. Even though his bed is in our room, right next to our beds and the doggies' beds, he will have a heartbreaking meltdown if we set him into his bed as if we are rejecting him...He must be laying right next to us in order to fall asleep. He usually sleeps the whole night in a deep sleep, but this past Saturday night became a real problem b/c he woke up at 2:00 a.m. Bob and I had a nice quiet evening together after we got him to sleep and went to bed between midnight and 1:00 a.m. At 2:00 a.m.e started balling and we were up with him for a good two hours until 4:15 a.m. We ended up missing church...guess we'll go next Sunday! Even though he's really outgoing most of the time, I think he needs at least a week of practicing short quiet times before he's expected to sit quietly for an extended period, anyway. He uses his little voice often to grunt to get our approval for something, show us something, get a hug, or tell us he needs to go potty.

He has become quite comfortable and started testing his boundaries with us in China...the "no" and displeased mommy/daddy face no longer cuts it when he occasionally decides to be a stinker. At that point, we have to either look really mad and serious and say "no" in a raised voice and/or set him on a bed or couch. Even though we are nearby, he understands that this is a time-out and stays there and gets in a depressed and angry at mommy and daddy and the world funk for like 20 minutes. Sometimes we cheer him up and out of his funk if we can, to let him know we still love him. Sometimes, he just has to decide when he's through with his bad mood, which he stubbornly hangs onto for a while.

We are now making paper snowflakes in between my typing spirts...He seems to be obsessed with cutting paper shapes right now...even though it's difficult for him and he gets frustrated.

Overall, he's a well-behaved affectionate people pleaser, but does get in stinker-repeat action even though mommy/daddy tried to stop me a couple of times mood every now and then. He's extremely affectionate and clingy and needs us to look at something, approve of something, get a hug, or interact in some other way every few minutes right now, so it's very very difficult and slow to get anything done. We play with him a lot, but he wants that all day. Right now, I am helping him cut paper designs and approving between typing sentences. He had to go potty twice during this entry so far...ok, TMI. ;o)

Awesome things about our Ben: God gave him to us and he's such a blessing. He's a joy and loves to smile and giggle most of the time. He's loves routine and being neat and clean, meaning he likes to do things like wash his hands and pick up toys when he's through playing with them. He sleeps well and is potty trained. He likes the doggies and treats them well.

Tiring things about 3-yr-old boys: He wants constant interaction and it's difficult to get anything done. He's very active and squirmy and goes from getting into one thing to another thing a few minutes later. I've been teaching him patience with the word "wait" and he's getting a little better.

He had forgotten all English he learned from his foster mom by the time we got him, which I expected, but we re-learned how to count to 10 and he now knows how to use basic phrases: mommy, baa-ba (daddy), hello and goodbye (in English and Mandarin), eat, water, car, bus, train, plane, doggies, home, go potty (in English and Mandarin), sleep, Christmas tree, I love you (in English and Mandarin), and thank you (in English and Mandarin). He understands other often-repeated phrases when we say them and he joyfully speaks his dialect to us, unaware that we can't speak his language. However, we've figured out certain phrases. He says "ah-mee-na" when he wants the word for something b/c when we give him the word, he is satisfied, and uses the phrase for that response over and over. He seems to say "na" when he's telling us to look at something or when he's looking for something. Like, when he wondered where the doggies were or where daddy is, he says, "doggies na?" "baba na?" he'll point to something he accomplished and say, "na."

Something precious that he loves to say over and over again every since mommy kept saying it one time when he was crying because daddy left the house is "Baaba, Shan Shan, Mommy, doggies, home."

I will post pictures soon of our last days in China and some pics from home...Love to all and thanks to everyone for their support!

Healing with time...

2008-12-15T22:21:00.000-08:00

Ben woke up happy and giggly the past 3 mornings, unlike before, which is great to see. He did wake up sad today from his nap and only wanted to put his face in the pillow when we came near him. After a while, he decided to forget and perk up to his bubbly self.

In Guangzhou

2008-12-14T22:56:00.000-08:00

We have been in Guangzhou since Friday night; it's Monday night as I type this. We are in Guangzhou because this is where the US consulate is at. We were very ready to come home last Thursday before we even got to Guangzhou, while at the same time looking forward to the warmer climate down here. One more full day tomorrow and we come home Wednesday. We have to wake up at 4:00 a.m. to leave...ugh.

The part of Guangzhou we are in is very nice; the buildings have an old world European flair. It was wonderful to see the palm trees after getting off the plane. The White Swan hotel is absolutely amazingly beautiful, with a waterfall and pond inside by the dining room and big windows that look out on a bay. The breakfasts are delicious and Ben enjoys watching the boats going by while he's eating. We have been hanging out with the Mast family, going shopping and walking around outside and visiting the hotel's playroom with our boys.

The days have been flying by with this busy little guy. He was Mr. I want to please the first couple of days and a simple "no" and displeased face worked. Then, he got really comfortable quickly and started to test his boundaries by doing things like flipping the light switch on and off, even after 5 or more "no"s and pulling his hands away. So, we had to move to a raised voice "no" and pick him up and put him on the bed. When we do that, he knows it's a time out, gets upset enough to stop, and just sits there until we go to him a few minutes later to cheer him up and reassure him we still love him. He's really well-behaved whenever we're out and overall, he's a really good little guy. He's just a very active 3-year-old boy and loves discovering anything new, taking things apart, and is learning that there's a lot of things mama and baba don't want him getting into.

The orphanage staff said that he's a little actor, and we found that is so true. He is a Drama King. Our first night at dinner, we ate at this wonderful restaurant called Lucy's outside on a patio with palm trees decorated with lights. We waited a while for our food and Ben thought he would entertain both himself and us. Bob and I were laughing so hard, we were crying. Ben started mimicking things he saw us do during the day...He pretended to drop pills in his mouth and swallow them, went through all the motions of taking a bath and washing, and reinacted the difficult time Bob had opening a jar the day before, including tapping the jar on the sink and then pretending to try to open it with a scrunched up frustrated face just like Bob had! Ben is highly visual and imaginative; he loves looking at pictures, drawing, pretend-play, books, and dancing. He also appears to be a vain little guy, as he loves looking at himself in the mirror and posing for pictures.

I think Bob is finding out that kids are a lot of work, but Ben is such a joy to us and we are so blessed to have him. We love his cute little giggling and voice when he says "ah baba" over and over, which means, in his dialect, that he loves baba. He comes to us often for huggies and is very affectionate most of the time. He has started to say "ah mama" too.

Our friends on the trip; wish they lived in Chicago:

Ben loves the traditional Chinese outfit we bought him. Here, he wears the hat:

In the playroom:

This is when Ben was enjoying posing for Grant's mama, Lori Mast. After you take a picture of him, he insists on running to the camera to see how it turned out:

Bouncing up and down with buddy Grant Mast:

Posing again for Lori:

The socks I bought for him are way too big. Ben pulled them up all the way past his knees over his long pjs and started running around like that and laughing; he had us laughing too:

Ben getting his required medical checkup:

Bob and Ben the second night we ate at Lucy's. Lucy's serves American food and Bob thinks that this was a welcome break from noodles and rice. Ben loved his glasses baba bought him until he broke them:

Our last full day in Nanjing.

2008-12-14T22:48:00.000-08:00

Ben and Baa-ba on a bridge

Boats had colorful lights on them:

View from bridge:

Sally and Ben at a lake in Nanjing:

From the top of the Emperor's tomb in Nanjing.

Ben and Bob near the bottom of the Emperor's tomb.

Today and yesterday at the orphanage

2008-12-10T16:37:00.000-08:00

Ben on baa-ba's lap on the bus

One of the directors of Ben's orphanage (holding Ben) and a nanny who stepped in the picture...not one of Ben's nanny's so I'm not sure why or how she came to be in the picture....ha ha...

A market on the main street outside of the orphanage:

Walking to Ben's abandonment place:
He was left near Dapuji Bridge:
A woman and her daughter also walking down the road to the bridge...Notice the hanging ducks and clothes on the tree branches of someone's home:
On the way back to the orphanage:
Standing in front of the gate to the orphanage

With three of his nannies in his room at the orphanage:
We brought candy and Ben handed out a piece of candy to each child in his room:
Ben sits on the bed that he slept in:

Ben with the section chief and his teacher in the classroom:
Ben hands out candy in the classroom:
Ben sits near where he used to sit in the classroom:
Playground outside at the orphanage that foreign volunteers made possible:

Administration staff members have lunch for us, our Nanjing guide Linda (next to Bob), and our driver, not pictured:
The orphanage is part of a government complex that also houses the elderly. Here is a garden area in the complex:
Building where we had lunch:
Residences along a river in Nanjing:

Ben eats dinner with Baa-ba at the Mandarin Garden hotel in Nanjing:
He feeds himself; he doesn't want anyone to help him:

I woke up to Ben babbling and giggling this morning...he's doing really well so far today and as usual, he was really happy in the evening yesterday.

We went to the orphanage yesterday. When we got on the bus to go, he was not wanting to be by mommy, I think because he came to us on a bus...Perhaps he thought we were taking him back...I hated to see him upset, but I felt we should visit, take pictures and gain information for him...something he will appreciate later. He was a little upset as we got closer to the orphanage, but then perked up when he went around visiting the orphanage staff, his old nannies, and his old classmates and roomates. He's very outgoing. He was fine when he said goodbye to everyone and was better on the way back. My guess is that he now thinks we are living in this hotel room from now on and going to make visits back to the orphanage.

We visited the place where Ben was abandoned...Dapuji Bridge. It was a small bridge...not for cars...fairly close to the orphanage. The path to it was a very narrow winding dirt road...only for walking and bikes. The walk was very third world...the poorest part of China that we've seen yet...actually, the poorest area we've ever walked through in our lifetime. First, we went down a main street a little ways. There were small open markets and everything imaginable was going on in the street...a man killing chickens on the ground, a child relieving herself right by the stall of fruit her parents were selling...the smells were pungent.

Then we turned left to walk down the narrow path to the bridge. There were tiny dusty stone houses no larger than one room in our home with a few items inside like a mat for sleeping. On the other side for a little were apartments. They opened up onto the dirt path littered with old garbage, like pieces of tile and dishes. Dead ducks to be eaten hung on rusty barbed wire alongside clothes that were air drying. Women sat outside their doors making things like shoes, probably to be sold at a market somewhere. They smiled at us, ironically much more friendly than some of the cold stone glances from women walking in furs and go go boots on Beijing and Nanjing shopping streets. A man was washing linens in a small plastic tub in the path and old men sat on the side chatting with each other and yelling "hello" at us. We passed a girl with a young boy who looked way too young to be a mother...perhaps, hopefully she wasn't mom. All the way there, I was wondering if any of the women and men we encountered could be one of Ben's birth parents. If Ben came from the area he was abandoned in, I highly doubt his mom had proper nutrition and can understand why children could come out malformed in some way.

Today...nap time...grieving

2008-12-09T05:23:00.000-08:00

Just after Ben woke up from his nap today, he was very upset, hung his head, and was on the verge of crying. He was not liking mommy and daddy and was especially angry at mommy, refusing to look at me or take food from me and pushing my hands away. It was heart-breaking to watch him look away from us off into the distance with glassy red eyes, remembering his nannies and little friends, most of whom have been, are being, or will be adopted. I had to go into the bathroom and have a cry for him. It took him an hour or two to let the grieving go, forget for the day, and perk up to his bubbly self again. We had a great rest of the day until bedtime. We just laid him down to bed, which he took as a rejection from daddy...he started crying and refused to have anything to do with daddy until daddy pulled him out of the crib, laid with him in daddy's bed for a while until Ben was sleepy and then moved him back there. Poor little Shan Shan.

"Gotcha Day," Monday, Dec. 8, and today

2008-12-08T19:20:00.000-08:00

Orphanage officials who brought Ben:

Rejecting us at this point...
After the chocolate:

Riding on daddy's/ baa-ba's lap on the way back to the hotel. There are MUCH different safety standards here. Car seats...What is a car seat?

Standing in the lobby...We looked at the Christmas tree, listened to Chinese ladies playing traditional instruments, and got a little free Santa made out of pipe cleaners from a nice lady in a sales booth/ gingerbread house.

There's so much to say that I don't know where to begin. When we first met Shan Shan (nickname for You Shan) in the notary office, he knew what was going on and was pretty much rejecting us, especially me, who's taking the place of his nannies. But chocolate warmed him up a bit. When we traveled from the notary office back to the hotel and took him to the hotel room, our guide explained to him in Mandarin that he would stay there with us and be with us from then on. He went into a pitiful heart-wrenching scream crying session and I held him, while he tried to push me away. After a while, daddy got the bubbles out and started blowing bubbles. That distracted him out of crying and perked him up. We played with some other toys, walked around inside and outside our hotel, and went to have dinner at a Chinese restaurant. By the time we went to bed, he was beaming with a big, contented smile as he slowly looked back and forth at Bob and I.

Ben is SUCH a good boy. Of course he is 3 yrs old and starts playing "I'm going to be a stinker right now" once in a while, but after a firm "no" from mommy and a displeased mommy face, he quickly changes direction. He is a people pleaser.

He is extremely independent and methodical and knows how to do a lot of different things that he learned at the orphanage, including washing his hands. He hates having dirty hands. He didn't seem to know/remember any English, but he's catching on really quickly. I'm using a few Chinese words, but one problem, though, is that the Suzhou dialect is so different that Suzhou people sometimes can't be understood by people speaking the main dialect. For example, our first guide explained to me that instead of "shway" for water, it's "shwee" in Suzhou dialect. The only thing he seems to understand me saying is that and a few other words that must be the same--hello, are you hungry?, no (to not permit)...I tried a few other phrases to only have him look at me like I was speaking gibberish, so either I'm not saying them right or they're different in Suzhou. He communicates very well by grunting and pointing to what he needs or wants and doesn't seem to be frustrated by our lack of Mandarin.

He is such a happy little boy, smiles and laughs a lot, and loves holding both of our hands while going anywhere outside of the hotel room. He's such a cutie and so full of love. He slept peacefully all last night after he understood that we were all going to stay in the same room, but I hardly slept. Ah well...there's tonight!

AAAHHHH.....

2008-12-07T20:39:00.000-08:00

It's 12:40 p.m. in Nanjing and Bob and I are sitting in a hotel room...We flew into Jiangsu Province this morning. We take a train at 1:30 to travel to the notary office and meet Ben at 2:00!!!! Then he is in our care! We are SO anxious...I could barely eat lunch. The time is going painfully slow. We are so excited and filled with emotion!!!

Day number 3 and 4

2008-12-07T04:44:00.000-08:00

Pictures of our travel group

2008-12-06T03:19:00.000-08:00

Here is the group...the other adoptive fams we are traveling with:

Second Day in China

2008-12-05T04:25:00.000-08:00

Tiananmen Square. Where government officials meet:
The Bird's Nest:
Where Mr. Phelps swam:
Our room, nice and quiet:
In the lobby of our hotel:
We took a rickshaw ride through the historic Hutong area of Beijing (guy rides a bicycle and pulls you in this tiny two-person buggy). Area is 280 years old, but not all the buildings go back that far:
Detail from a beautiful building in the Forbidden City, where emperors used to reside. Now, there is still government operations going on in some of the buildings and troops living there, but many of the buildings, like the emperors' residence, are only on display for tourists. The forbidden city was finished in 1420:

Garden in the Forbidden City:
Door top in Hutong area...the displays above the doors show how rich the family is/was. This is a 4-star family. Before modern dating began, fams would arrange marriages and a 4-star fam would look for other 4-star fams for partners:
Forbidden City buildings:

Tiananmen Square with the Forbidden City in the background:
Hutong area:
In the Hutong area, people's homes are buildings connected around a rectangular-shaped outside courtyard. You might live in one section of the buildings while your brother's family lives in another section of it. Our guide took us to the house of one family who is currently living there. An elderly gentleman invited us in and made tea for all of us. We sat in what looked like his living room area while he talked to us about his family and showed us pictures of his family from the 1920s and on, living in the same hutong. Here is one of his dogs in the courtyard and a child from another adoptive family, Mariah:
Man who invited us in, explaining the hutong set-up and talking about his family:
One of our Chinese guides translates what he is saying to English. The windows look out into the courtyard:
Courtyard:
Bob with the rickshaw driver:
Hmmm, who are these people?
While riding in the rickshaw:

Our first day in Beijing

2008-12-04T03:49:00.000-08:00

Ok, how blogger works in China is totally random...sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I can't seem to figure out a way to move the pictures into order...it won't work the way I can do it at home. So, I will add a lot of verbage to explain them all...

We are having a great time...which is fantastic since I didn't think I would, being the cautious person I am. It's miserably cold, but the outings have been extremely interesting and the Great Wall area is amazingly beautiful. The massive size of some stores, population, amount of apartments in the city...it's mind-boggling. I believe this is a picture I took of the Great Wall while riding back to the city on the bus:

People have gone on about how the food in China is not like the Chinese food in America, but everything I've eaten here tastes just like the stuff I get at home...bok choi, sweet and sour chicken, chicken and rice with chili peppers, pork with chilies, tofu soup, etc. Perhaps knowing that we're American, they didn't bring out the things that would cause us to wretch, like a duck with its head on...We probably only got the items that they know fly ok with us. Also cuisine is different depending where you are in China--very different--so you really can't go to one part of China and say, "This is what Chinese food is." I only ate the veggies and rice at this meal, but they were delicious:

Pictures from climbing the Great Wall...the wall goes on and on...

The wall was finished in the Ming Dynasty:
We took a small glass cable car up to the top of one of the mountains with the wall...This was my favorite part of the trip so far...the views were AMAZINGLY beautiful. Pictures I took while on the cable car:

The icy cold wind was cutting up there. We got our excercise and went a little farther than the other fams. We realized how far we went when we turned around and had to walk back up a LOT of stairs...ha ha:

On the way to the Great Wall:

Dec. 8!

2008-11-20T19:02:00.000-08:00

We're leaving Dec. 2 for China to get our son, coming home Dec. 17, and will post to our blog while we're there...We will meet our Ben on Dec. 8 in Nanjing, the capital of his province!

snow

2008-11-18T06:43:00.001-08:00

It snowed for the first time on Sunday. :o(

However, I must say it was really peaceful when I let the dogs out in the evening and small snowflakes came gently streaming down.

Birthday bash, Halloween costume party, and itty bitty high school reunion all in one

2008-11-03T11:16:00.001-08:00

This was a birthday celebration for Jimmy turning 2 and a mini high school reunion for Johanna and Cathy Yanez, Denise Perry, Sheila Janota Cornyn, Rob Cornyn, and myself.

Aw shucks, I'm barefoot and pregnant 'gain, honey.

Rob and Bob, a couple of cool guys. Rock on!

Oriental lady Sheila

Johanna and the birthday boy, Jimmy.

Jo with hubbie James.

Cathy with Jo and James's precious baby Angelina:

Questions asked of adoptive moms and answers I like

2008-11-02T23:38:00.001-08:00

Ok, I have already experienced the majority of these questions and I don't even have my son yet. I went on an Internet search tonight after again hearing a comment today about how people should only adopt from the U.S. and found some answers I like. The third, fifth, and last answers are my own making.

1. The number 1 most offensive thing that has been said to me in some form or has been hinted at: Why didn't you adopt from the United States? There are a lot of orphans right here who need adopting. This question especially confounds me since the people asking are always profoundly hypocritical, as they selfishly chose to bear their own children instead of adopting ANY orphans and yet, they think they have the right to tell you which orphans are more important in this world. Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with the selfish desire to give birth, of course. God built women that way and meant for women (not all women) to take advantage of this desire, if it's in His will. But, it is a choice over adoption. Is this the man with the log in his eye trying to get the splinter out of another's eye, as the Biblical metaphor goes? Not that I think I have a splinter. Why in the world would American orphans be more important than orphans in other countries? That coldness is so highly offensive to my senses. An orphan is an orphan who needs a home, whether they are from America or another country. There are a lot of factors that go into deciding whether to adopt domestically or internationally and a lot of differences between the two; every family has the right to decide which route is best for them and it is in no way the business of anyone else. I mean, I wonder if moms with biological children would appreciate it if I asked them, "Why didn't you adopt instead of bringing more children into this world? There are a lot of orphans in the world who need adopting right now." That would devalue their children as much as they are devaluing my foreign born child and would be just as offensive. Asking me this question is telling me that my child who is the center of my world shouldn't be my child. Here is my answer:

Answer: That's a great idea. Why don't you do it? [wait for their excuse and then say...] But there are a lot of orphans right here who need adopting.

Now, if someone is asking me this question because they are thinking that I'm thinking there's something wrong with American orphans, I can understand. I have given people my blog address so they could read about why we chose China. Unfortunately, these people usually don't read my explanation; they prefer to make judgments, as they always seem so angry when asking it. And unfortunately, they don't understand how ignorant and offensive their question comes off. And again, do they have something against American orphans? I mean, if they have such strong opinions about the matter, and if they don't have something against American orphans, why have they chosen not to adopt one themselves? Hopefully, I can learn to answer this kind of rudeness with as much gentleness and respect as I can muster up.

2. Why did you choose China? I think that this is actually a reasonable question, assuming the person isn't really trying to ask question number 1, and one I don't mind answering, if the listener and I both have a lot of time on our hands for my long explanation. However, I do love this answer:

Because that's where my son was [with a smile].

3. You know, now that you're adopting, you'll probably get pregnant.

Oh no. I better start taking birth control [with a smile].

Regardless of the fact that we chose to adopt over getting pregnant, this is offensive because it's like saying your child is still second choice, even after you're matched with your child. When we were told Ben was going to be our little boy, we were overcome with emotion, cried just like parents who just gave birth, and felt his little self become part of our family that day. He entered our hearts that day and it was just weird that he was still overseas in the orphanage instead of with mommy and daddy. So what if I did get pregnant? My adopted child is my child and we're blessed to have him. It's like saying, "You know, now that you've had your first child, you'll probably soon birth a child who'll come out better the second time around."

4. Don't you want to have children of your own?

He is my own child.

5. Why don't you want to have children?

Adoption is the way we chose to form our family. Why don't you want to adopt?

I don't plan on saying this angrily, as I want to model calm responses for Ben, but I think it's good to, as gently as possible, parallel their question in order to make them think. I don't mind the question, Why did you choose to adopt? But, Why don't you want to have children? insinuates that there's something wrong or odd about wanting to obtain children by adoption instead of by giving birth.

OR, the answer I have given in some fashion, the truth: We didn't want to bring more children into the world when there are already so many orphans who need loving forever families. Why not form a family and give an orphan a loving family at the same time?

Of course, my second answer may make people feel defensive as if you're trying to make them feel guilty for having their own kids. This is never my intent and I never say this unless asked such a provocative question. I mean, they're asking for the answer and so, I give it to them.

6. Do you think you'll have your own children some day?

I do have my own child. If you mean biological children, I'm not sure yet. [Pause.] Do you think you'll adopt some day?

This question isn't highly offensive, but why not casually throw the ball back in their court so that they realize what kind of question they are asking?

7. How much did he cost?

He's priceless. Why do you ask? [This is worth answering if the person is interested in adopting.]
Or: We didn't buy him. But we did pay service fees in order to bring him home.

Now, if the question is, "How much did the adoption cost?" while Ben's not with me, it's acceptable.

8. Are you his real mom?

Yes.

I currently explain to people that I am adopting him, realizing that they don't realize what their question implies, but once we have Ben, I'm sure he won't appreciate me repeating over and over, "He's adopted," and then possibly going into his adoption story with every stranger who wants to ignorantly ask about his personal life in front of him. And according to adoptive moms, many people ask very ignorant questions right in front of your child, as if they don't have ears. He also needs to know that I am his real mom, even though our family was formed by adoption.

9. Do you know who his real mom is?

I am his real mom. I never met his birth mother.

10. Is his father Chinese? Or: Does he take after his father?

No. Daddy's a German-American.

This question isn't offensive, but that's the answer.

New pictures of our Ben!!!!!!!

2008-10-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

These were taken on Oct. 26 by another adoptive mom who's in China right now adopting Ben's best orphanage buddy, Andrew, who is pictured. Here's what she said:

We were brought into Ben & Andrews room. Ben was sleeping but they brought him outside later and I took several pictures of him. I will try my best to send them along to you. I actually held you little boys hand. He is very sweet. He was sort of like the deer in the headlights because everyone was making such a big deal out of him. The visit went OK and I guess I'm glad we got to see were Andrew spent the first 3 years of his life. It appeared to me that all of the kids in their room have special needs. Some of them reached out their little hands to us. There was not a dry eye in the room.

Andrew is a charming little guy but is getting very frustrated with the lack of communication so he has thrown a few fits. Can hardly blame him. He prefers our guide over us so it will be nice to be home without so many distractions. It won't be long now and you'll be on your way to your boy.

The boys look sad but I don't think they are. There was so much confusion with everyone trying to talk to them and take pictures of them. They were withdrawing. Ben said, "MaMa."

We finally have a travel date to adopt our son in China!!!

2008-10-24T06:44:00.001-07:00

We found out yesterday that we leave on Dec. 2 for China to get our little Ben!!! We will probably return Dec. 18, just 7 days before Christmas! We wish it were in Nov., but we're still very happy to have gotten a date! Kind of close to Xmas, but what a beautiful Christmas gift from the Lord!

The first time that immediate family members will see us will probably def. be Christmas Eve or Day in our destined-to-be messy house, as we'll be tired and recovering and all in shock, especially poor little Ben. It's quite possible that friends and extended family unfortunately might not see us emerge until the spring!!!, depending on our dear Ben's adjustment.

We got matched with Ben for our birthday and now, we'll be bringing him home to his forever family for Christmas. We couldn't ask for better presents!

Bad, bad, sorry plant year

2008-10-23T06:07:00.000-07:00

Me and my black thumb-yes, black, not green-learned some lessons this year, which proved to be tough on plants.

When it rained, it RAINED too much, flooding my poor neighbor's basement and making a long-standing flood in my garden, causing my tomato plants to turn their leaves yellow. And then, for some reason, some of my tomato plants got disease-like brown spots on them, while the others remained spotless. When the damaged tomato plants finally started growing beautiful tomatoes, the squirrels decided to be especially destructive this year. You'd think they could finish the tomato they started, but no, they had to nibble a little on each tomato, yet nibble enough so that the many tomatoes were beyond me cutting off their portion and using the rest. I tried hot pepper powder, applying it diligently, but even that didn't work this year. There are apparently some squirrels who had some spicey tomatoes and zucchini.

I thought we'd try new plants this year besides tomatoes and hot peppers, so we planted a strawberry plant, cucumber plants, basil, rosemary, and zucchini plants. We got one big zucchini which I proudly fried up for dinner before the squirrlies discovered them...they grow on the ground so this was a super easy pick for them. The zucchini plant also grows extremely large leaves and vines and kind of takes over the garden so it needed a lot more room than I thought it did. The cucumbers did end up being a success and will be a repeat next year!

to be continued...

Isabel comes to town

2008-10-08T06:56:00.000-07:00

Me, my niece Isabel, Grandpa Chuck, and Grandma Janet at the Morton Arboretum. It's such a wonderful place for kids and I look forward to taking Ben there.

Isabel plays with Ben's firetruck in Ben's room. Mamita Monica and daddy Michael:
Isabel enjoys one of Ben's books.

At Isabelita's baptism.

Camping in WI with my hubbie and dawggies

2008-10-03T05:33:00.000-07:00

At Wyalusing State Park, where the hills are like small mountains:The scenery is always majestic, whether or not the sun shines; the air is so fresh.

Spot we stopped at for lunch:At Nelson Dewey State Park:
Prairie trail; I love the prairie in the fall.

These kind of small flowers come out in the fall in the midwest...we've got them in our yard.

Our stinkers enjoyed our sleeping bags while we were not on them...They had their own beds, but ours were too tempting. The 2nd night, Sienna insisted on sleeping with daddy and got her way.

We are getting our LOA today for Ben!!!!

2008-09-26T06:07:00.001-07:00

We were just notified that we will get our final letter to sign for Ben today in the mail. We then sign and overnight it to our agency. In about 2 weeks, we should get news of when we can travel to China! I am thinking we might therefore travel either at the end of October or sometime in November. We are so excited! Finally!

Farewell party with my students...No word on our Ben!

2008-09-16T19:31:00.000-07:00

This is my small class at Spraying Systems Company. I will miss my students, from Mexico, India, Vietnam, Bosnia, and Cambodia. A while back, I had to give my boss a time I thought I'd be going to China, so she could find my replacement. Now, it looks like we might not go to China until November! I feel so bad that our little Ben is still sitting in the orphanage and we can't get to him. I guess I will continue reading literature on adoption issues, work on my hobbies and projects around the house, and help my hubbie with the Open Hearts for Orphans Organization. Sunil had his factory glasses on...ha ha:

Backrow: Cande and Sunil. Second row: Vici, Duyen, and Susana. Front row: Dana and Blanca. Chang is not pictured...He was absent.

My students sweetly brought in a lot of great homemade food.

Is adoption selfish?

2008-09-15T08:50:00.000-07:00

As adoptive parents, "Are we seen as noble families that have provided a home to a needy child, or are we seen as members of a group that is taking advantage of the financial inequalities around the world to feed our own interests in raising a child we often can't obtain otherwise?" questions Brian Stuy, an adoptive dad. I just came across an essay that Brian posted on his blog that was written by an adoptive mom. Here is an excerpt from it:

In a developed country, many feel compelled or perhaps drawn towards offering help to those who they deem as less fortunate. Yet one must wonder whether those who are hungry or orphaned need us or is it our need to feel validated that drives us to want to adopt? Are there not better ways we can help others without having to get such a huge payback in the end?...And why did we adopt? Can any of us be honest about our motives and can we admit it if they were less than admirable?...we all need to look internally on why it is we chose to adopt and the consequence it may cause on our children. Will Vanessa or others in the adoption community ever recognize that all of their well-meaning behaviours were actually self-driven to some extent? Driven to fulfill a personal desire for more -- More love, more life, more of whatever it is people crave. Sometimes it seems that the void is endless and can never be filled. Or as Greg puts it “Just because they don’t know the certain things we call luxuries doesn’t mean that we’re better than them.”

In respect to the woman who wrote this, I appreciate her honestly and effort to point out another selfish reason why people may adopt. Of course most people adopt for selfish reasons. The first and almost unanimous reason, obviously, is that the couple couldn't conceive. I mean, people almost always assume my husband and I can't have children when we tell them we are adopting. It's universally assumed that when people are born, they in turn want to reproduce themselves and go into depression when they can't...I guess I am missing this almost univeral human trait. The second most common reason appears to be couples having two boys, wanting a girl, and not wanting to chance having another boy, or vice versa. Another selfish reason this essayist points out, perhaps sometimes in conjunction to not being able to conceive, is that people unknowingly want to fill a void in their life and to validate themselves by being a hero and saving children from impoverished societies. I could see where this could happen, as people often try to fill a void they have by many different means. People crave meaning and purpose.

However, she is assuming orphans might actually be better off not being adopted and being orphans in their native birthplaces. I have to strongly disagree with this.

Obviously, considering the toll adoption takes on adoptees' psychies, kids are always better off with their biological families or with relatives of their biological families, unless the children are getting sexually or actually physically abused (not just a slap across the face or a spanking, which was accepted at one time). Even if the children are living in what we would consider deplorable conditions and barely get enough food, they are still better off with their parents. Hence my thinking the famous Elian Gonzalez belonged in Cuba with his parents, no matter the conditions of Cuba. Who are we to judge what material things and comforts a child needs over the cruelty of being separated from their own parents? If you know anything about what being separated from one's parents can psychologically do to a child, that's a given.

However, by definition, "orphans" are children without parents or any permanent caretaker who can act as a parent. Orphans are not children frolicking freely throughout their village, being raised and loved by the village. They are not part of the society. Anyone who's read anything about parenting children with attachment disorders knows that orphanage life causes severe mental, emotional, and physical delays. Yes, you will meet parents with seemingly healthy adopted children, but they often don't tell you about the effects orphanage life had on their kids, the counseling they are receiving to help their kids form emotional bonds because they were not able to do so previously, the physical therapy, etc. They are institutionalized children who can't go outside enough, who don't get enough nutrition and medical care, which causes their bodies to suffer, who sadly form animal-like agressive survival behavior from not being able to form an attachment with a parent, from having no one to rely on, and from competing for any type of care. Kids in orphanages do not get enough stimulation to make the brain develop in healthy ways, which causes behavior disorders. The longer they spend in an orphanage, the more delayed and more warped their mental, physical, and emotional conditions get. After reading a plethora of information on orphanages in China, I know this is the case there.

Parents who adopt orphans are not stealing them from society, as they are not even a part of the society. I highly doubt the society wants a delinquent on the streets who turned of age...A report on Russia tells us that most become part of gang crime or become prostitutes. I highly doubt that those orphans, if given a chance to do it again, would choose to grow up in that dehumanizing environment again without a loving family, without knowing the outside world, without proper care and education, without someone to believe in them, without the chance to be mentally and emotionally stable individuals, for the sake of growing up in their birthplaces. I can only assume that those former orphans hate themselves and their village. Adopting is not taking a child from anywhere but the trash bins called orphanages. Even if some of the caretakers in orphanages are kind, there's never enough to go around, and the workers are constantly changing. One adoptive mother said that while she was in China, some Chinese women stopped her on the street and asked why she would want their "garbage." She was stunned. At the same time, most Chinese people give Westerners a thumbs up for adopting.

The essayist, an adoptive mom herself, is exploring why some people who judge adoptive parents are against adoption and whether people should really be adopting kids out of their native places of birth. However, in most countries, there aren't enough "villagers" who want those kids and they end up being thrown into institutions. The fantasy that we are just being blind well-to-do westerners again and that we were wrong about those orphans being so bad off afterall is ignorant. It's an easy out for people who want to feel better about not doing anything for the plight of orphans. The idea that adopting is only simply offering help to those we deem less fortunate, as the essayist puts it, completely neglects the orphan, denies their true state of inhumane suffering, and denies their chances to be human in any society.

What's better...being judged by selfish people who are assuming we only adopted for selfish reasons or coldly letting kids rot in orphanages? I think the answer is clear.

Let's even look at the hypothetical situation that a woman who wants to adopt from a village in Africa decides to get in contact with the birthparents and offer them assistance if they will raise their own child. If that works, that would be better for the child. Hurray! However, the major problem with that is: How does the average person connect with the parents of orphans in order to support them? Here is the problem with starting a system to do that: 1) Are orphanages going to agree to be a part of a program to get kids back to their parents? certainly not Chinese orphanages that profit from international adoptions. 3) Are the parents going to actually use the money for the child or for something else? And perhaps they will have more children to get more "assistance to keep their children." Perhaps b/c of ignorance about or unavailable birth control, they'd use assistance for the one child and have another anyway. 4)We can't assume other cultures view children like we do and perhaps the parents didn't care to lose the child, as was pointed out in "The Myth of the Grieving Mother" article. This might cause certain parents to take the money and give the same child up for adoption again. 5) While a hypothetical program like that would be going on, there would still be children growing up miserable in orphanages without parents. This hypothetical system of dealing with orphans is ripe for more corruption. So again, do we turn a cold, blind eye to orphans because we believe they should stay in their villages?

Yes, the best answer is to support poor communities so that poverty and thus orphans are reduced. We definitely have to do this. Reputable, fiscally responsible child sponsorship programs such as those through World Vision and other orgs are great. I think every person on earth who can afford it, should sponsor a child and donate to orgs that help communities build themselves economically and teach AIDS prevention. At the same time that we do this, there will still be orphans growing up in institutions who deserve to have a normal life and love and who need to be adopted. They are the reality now.

People who think children need to stay in their communities instead of being adopted need to first prove they are supporting an impoverished community; otherwise, they have no grounds for finger-pointing. They also need to come up with an alternative for the orphans growing up w/out care. Critics who are not doing anything to help orphans are like hypocritical SUV-driving Americans who don't bother to recycle yet complain about big oil and the gov's role in our environment. I'm not saying there's something ethically wrong with driving an SUV. And I totally agree that our government doesn't do enough for the environment, that global warming is a serious problem, and that there are problems with "big oil." However, I have to laugh when someone driving a Suburban starts to talk about big oil or someone who's too lazy to not throw garbage in a recycling receptacle talks about global warming. I also cringe when people criticize other people's efforts to help a situation when they themselves have no alternatives and don't care to do anything.

I am also amazed at those who say there can't be a God because there's so much suffering in the world, yet they are doing nothing to ease the suffering in the world. I have also struggled with the fact that God allows suffering. But I don't understand people who ask that question and yet are too selfish to contribute anything regularly to a charity or to give their time to others. I understand the question, and I'll have a serious conversation about it with someone when I see him/her in the field, bettering the lives of others. All I know and see for certain is that people cause suffering on some people, while other people turn away and that my God has given His people who will listen compassion on the suffering and the will to help. Anyway, that's a side point!

This finger pointing may be accusing adoptive parents of being selfish but how many of these critics selfishly want to make themselves feel better about not being an adoptive parent, when the existence of adoptive parents annoys their egos and conscience? It's so much easier to deny the suffering an orphan endures and to point out flaws and corruption in the system so they can validate their decisions to not be bothered with orphans. Not everyone is cut out to adopt, but there will always be critics who want to make themselves feel better about not doing a darn thing. It is very hard for a self-centered person to understand that there actually are some people out there who have compassion on others and want to help the suffering because of compassion and not because it will earn them points on earth with others or earn them points in heaven or because of some other selfish need. Because they can't understand the feeling of compassion and not doing something in order to get something back, they come up with theories as to why compassionate people do the things they do to help. Yes, they are right about some people who "help," but not all. Compassion and love without strings and kickbacks do exist. I'm sorry that some people are unable to be selflessly compassionate and therefore, can't understand it in others. My Lord has given my hubbie and me more compassion than we had in the past. We had some innate compassion, but nothing close enough to start our adoption organization. I am not blowing our horn and showing off because our compassion is from Him, not from us.

I actually think it would be much easier for us to turn a blind eye to orphans and not adopt...My husband and I have a lovely, easy life w/out kids who can cause problems and distress and to be honest, I am selfishly worried that our happy life will be turned upside down with kids, especially emotionally affected adopted kids. I'm not so naive as to have fairytale visions of idealized family life, with us all laughing and holding hands in the sunshine all the time. I don't need recognition from others for doing something seemingly heroic as it doesn't mean much to me to get recognition from mere humans in all their pathetic humanity (I am also a pathetic human!). We are adopting because we think it's sick that the world is letting orphans suffer in orphanages.

I don't need the reader's or anyone else's approval or admiration. I've lived long enough on this earth to fail to be that impressed with anyone and to know that what's behind closed doors can be pretty scary. Don't get me wrong...I'm far from perfect and make mistakes that involve others. And there are good people in the world. But you just never know which ones are those who would surprise you with who they really are. Yes, the approval of my husband and my boss is important to me, but the approval from anyone else doesn't do anything for me. I would like to see more excitement in my community about helping others, but that's a subject for another day.

I believe we need to work to build communities economically and work to help reform corrupt systems, but at the same time, we can't turn a cold, blind eye to orphans who are already orphans and, despite the reasons we attach to them being orphans, are orphans in need of a loving home now. We can't let corruption prohibit the great need for millions of legitimate orphans to find forever families. There's an estimated 143 million orphans worldwide; that's half the population of the U.S.

Our organization has a website!

2008-09-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

We have started an organization to provide grants for couples who can't afford to adopt and otherwise would not adopt, if it weren't for financial assistance. Bob felt God pressing on his heart about the plight of orphans until he started Open Hearts for Orphans, and he has done most of the work of researching how to start an organization and the paperwork. We do have a board of five people and have had many brainstorming and decision-making meetings. We are only in the beginning stages and haven't gotten 501C3 status, that is, non-profit status, but we have become incorporated. Friends of ours are working on our website and we have yet to raise funds. However, one person did give us a sizeable donation which is an exciting start...100% of it will be put into a grant. Our friends are doing the website for us, pro bono...yay! Now we are hoping for a kind lawyer to do the same. Our logo can be seen at our website's URL at http://www.openheartsfororphans.org/. I am excited to see where God carries this organization to help these precious children find forever families.

Our calling to Ben

2008-08-19T05:36:00.001-07:00

I've been wanting to write this for a while now and finally am. How did we go from our thinking God was calling us to adopt a Chinese baby girl to adopting a 3-year-old Chinese boy? Well, I pasted what I wrote about our calling to China below. We hadn't wanted to go to China but God made it very clear our child was in China. When we talked about whether it was a girl or boy, we decided it must be a girl, because the Chinese don't give boys away, unless they have special needs. We weren't sure we were ready for a special needs child or an older child, as first-time parents, and we didn't feel any leading from God, except that we felt bad that many girls are given away just because they are girls. So we decided it must be a baby girl.

What we didn't know is that God didn't want to reveal His plan yet to us...apparently so that we would find our son, Ben. We waited and waited and when we heard that the wait might possibly go until between 2009 and 2012, we started asking God if He really meant for us to wait that long. However, God made Sarah wait a VERY long time, so we didn't want to sidestep His will just because we were getting impatient. So we started praying really hard and asking others to pray...days of praying and praying.

During that time, God brought to mind many things that only supported looking into adopting a child with special needs...Jesus said when you have a feast, don't invite those who can pay you back but instead invite the blind, lame, crippled...Jesus also said "'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Then the righteous will answer Him, "Lord, when did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?" The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine you did for me.'"

And I thought about how the purpose of our adopting was to adopt a child who needed a home, who didn't have a line of people waiting to adopt her/him. After all, we are able to have our own children, but decided not to. God had called us to adopt a child in need.

After days of praying, we both felt really at peace about looking into adopting a child with minor needs...more peace than I had ever felt about the adoption, actually, which meant we were further down the path to find the child God meant for us.

I must insert here that at least a few weeks before this, I had been looking at Bethany's lists of hard to place children, came across a description of a 3-year-old boy and started crying. All the descriptions were sad and I could see how all of the children were hard to place...their needs were intimidating, emotionally-demanding, required a lot of time, and were sometimes expensive...a lot of the children were much older. But when I read the vague description of a boy in "Asia" with the need he had, I started crying because the little boy didn't ask to be born that way...the name of his problem sounded pretty bad and I wondered who would ever adopt him. There was no picture. At that time, still thinking we were probably waiting for a baby girl and not knowing what country in "Asia" he was from, I put the thought aside.

Fast forward: After deciding to look at children with needs, we were sent a list of children. This was very hard...there were pictures...I wanted to adopt them all. One little 3-year-old boy on the list again had me in tears. We analyzed the reports of the info., discussed which children we'd be comfortable with while praying, talked to a doctor about the problems, etc. One day, while looking at the info. again for the boy on the list who made me cry, I suddenly remembered crying at the vague description on Bethany's site. They had the same physical problem, were both three..could this be the same boy? I called the contact person listed for the boy on the site, got a woman in the Michigan office, and she confirmed that yes, it was the same boy. This seemed like a sign but I wanted to be sure it wasn't just my emotions. After another tense couple of days of intense praying, we narrowed it down to our son and a baby girl with a heart problem, in case God still wanted us to adopt a baby girl...we just weren't sure yet. We chose the two we were drawn to and left it up to God. However, by the morning that Bethany was supposed to call us with the news, I knew it was going to be the little boy, our son...I just knew that he was ours. And sure enough, we were matched with Ben.

Ben will need at least a couple of surgeries, but after that, he will be fine. And now, we are still waiting for the final letter to sign for him, the LOA letter. We hope to travel no later than October. It hurts to know that a vague description with a generic blue outline of a boy listed him on Bethany's site, because he's so special to us...that was our son!

Our calling to China...written in January 2007

2008-08-19T04:54:00.000-07:00

It was the Christmas of 2002 in which I first felt that my biological clock was ticking. My husband Bob's dear grandmother Mary had passed away and Bob's grandfather Jack was letting myself and my sister-in-law Monica go through some of her drawers and choose which of Mary's treasures we wanted to take home. We came across adorable little ponchos that Mary knitted for a baby girl. There was no baby girl in the family and they had never been given to anyone so it is a mystery why she knitted them. Perhaps she made things and had them on hand for gifts when they were needed. It was in this time of sentimentality about family--Mary had died that past fall, it was Christmastime, and the bond with my wonderful husband Bob was growing stronger every year--that I felt for the first time that I would want to have a child some day. There's also something about sitting alone with your spouse by your Christmas tree at home, when you don't have children, that makes you feel as though there should be children gathered around the tree, enjoying the childhood magic of Christmas.

That is when the topic of adoption surfaced. Typical, I felt I wanted a little girl someday and Bob said he would like a little boy someday. Ok, so two children were in order. But how do you plan to bear one girl and one boy? And why have your own children when there are so many orphans in need of a good home? At first, Bob was averse to adoption, afraid of what we might get (what kind of genes does the child have?). But please, people! Look at all the children with autism, ADHD, or other abnormalities born to "normal" parents these days. It seems much more risky to wonder what's going to come out than what you're going to adopt, if you sign up for a healthy baby through your agency, if you ask me. But anyway, after a time, Bob was warmed to the idea of having one biological child and adopting a second. Tied to his family and tradition, he was set on having one of his own biological children. So if I had a girl, we would adopt a boy, and if I had a boy, we would adopt a girl. We had this nailed down, for the time being, despite our not being ready yet to actually have children.

Fast forward to 2004. After five years of marriage, we were feeling like we could actually be drawing close to doing this incredibly life altering thing: having children. By this time, Bob was in agreement with me. Why reproduce any children when there are already so many children who need homes? Don't get me wrong. Having your own children and the miracle of birth is very special, and I believe God calls some people to have their own biological children. However, God also calls some to take care of the abandoned orphans of this world. And I believe he would call more parents to this, if only they would get unstuck from the sometimes selfish, egotistical and ethnocentric desire to recreate themselves, realize all children are God's children, equally precious in God's eyes, set aside the ridiculous notion that biological children will come out more "normal," be open and listen to God's voice . . . But again, I hope no one misunderstands me. I have many pregnant friends right now and am very excited and happy for them all. It's natural to want your own children, and it's much cheaper than adoption, given that insurance typically covers delivery but not adoption. Adoption costs are very high, too high for some people to afford, unfortunately. And I don't have the right to judge any individual person and what they are meant to do. It's a very personal decision. I just wish more people, especially people with financial resources, would at least open their minds and CONSIDER adoption.

So where would we adopt from? Native American reservations, perhaps? At 4'10", with dark hair, an olive complexion, high cheek bones, and squinty eyes, my mother was identifiably part Native American, enduring teasing as a child because of the width of her nose. With rosy skin, green eyes and freckles, I am your typical Irish gal. According to my mother, I'm only about 1/8 Native American. This isn't much and is only mirrored in my short body. However, the ancestry has always been a tie for me to that culture, which I am enchanted by, with their cohabitation with nature and colorful ceremonial dances. It's also a culture that I empathize with. The poverty stricken barren lands that were given to Native Americans, called "reservations," are a reminder of this nation's cruel history, the historic genocide that took place by red-necked cowboys, greedy fortune hunters, and land-grabbing entrepreneurs. These disrespectful, self-serving Donald Trump types paved the way for more European settlements, the "beginnings" of America as we know it. An example is the "Trail of Tears," literally translated from Cherokee "The Trail Where They Cried," the event in which our government forced the civilized Cherokee people off of their Georgia land in order to mine gold in the Georgia mountains and make room for the expanding European population, causing 4,000 of the Cherokees to die on their way to Oklahoma. It can be read about at http://ngeorgia.com/history/nghisttt.html.

Whoa! I digress greatly. Anyway . . . Already an attender of the local annual pow-wows and the sketchy, secretive history of my great grandmother named Valley, I thought we might be good parents for a Native American ophan. But in order to adopt from a tribe, you need to prove you have a Native American ancestor. Without documentation, which many many descendants lack due to their ancestors trying to hide their ethnicity, I was unable to prove the blood ties. Valley _________?, named Valley Mills after marriage to an Irish-English man, was not on the Cherokee tribe's roll. Perhaps it was because she supposedly ran away from the reservation when she was a little girl. I wish I could have talked to my grandfather more about his mother, Valley, before he died.

Our next thought went to Mexico, South America, or Eastern Europe. If we adopted a baby from a Spanish-speaking country, I could share my knowledge of the Spanish language and my love for the culture with our child. If we adopted from Eastern Europe, we could take a siteseeing trip we've been wanting to go on while getting our child. Two perks for the price of one. Now, isn't that tacky? And Bob could share his love of European culture and family ties with our child (His father is from former East Germany/Poland). However, Mexico, Central and South American countries that adopt out internationally were insanely expensive and out of our price range (such a shame!) and/or the country wanted us to stay there for a month, which Bob could not do with his job. And unfortunately, we weren't sure a certain close, but mentally unstable family member would be open to us adopting from Africa, which would create a very stressful situation and possible bad vibes for the child. We would both love to adopt from Africa, though, so maybe things will change someday before we adopt our second or third or . . . God will tell us!

So, after an information meeting at Bethany Christian Services, we were pretty set on adopting from Eastern Europe, specifically the Ukraine. Although China is a very popular place to adopt from and we had considered it briefly, we decided we liked the Ukraine better because we didn't want to make the long trip over to China, the Ukraine seemed like an interesting and beautiful place to visit, and there was a possibility of adopting siblings in the Ukraine, with a pretty reasonable cost for the second child. Unfortunately, one must think about cost when the costs are enough to need long-term loans. Nothing drew us to China, with the exception of a doable price tag and a reputation for "service" that's smoother than some other countries. Hispanic, African and European countries were a draw for us. But not Asia. I have Chinese friends and love going to Chinatown in the city, but that was as far East as I was interested in going. Plus, it seems like all the yuppies adopt from China, having bought into the stereotype that Chinese children are born quiet and smart, having observed Chinese families who expect their children to work very hard and act a certain way.

Plus, I believe SOME families laden with societal stereotypes who adopt from Russia/Eastern Europe or China may secretively and ignorantly think other ethnicities, like Africans, might turn out more like African-Americans in poverty-stricken neighborhoods than the little competitive high-achieving AWARD they'd like to have, not realizing that the culprit is poverty and all the evils that can accompany it, like drugs and a history of violence, starting with white slave owners beating, raping, torturing, and psychologically dehumanizing African-Americans. Come on, people. Every innocent baby is born with as much promise as the next, given the right opportunities and environment. Parents want their precious little AWARD to perform well. Why would I want to be like every other yuppie? But God had something else for us in mind.
Although we were "set" on adopting from the Ukraine (not because we wanted a little white AWARD who looks like us but because of reasons I expressed earlier), we both knew we really shouldn't be "set" at all, having not had a strong leading from God about where to adopt from.

We were both praying hard, with open minds as to where God might lead us, even if it was a country we might not want to go to or thought we shouldn't go to. God knows best! One day, while I was heading into a local Chinese restaurant and the door was closing behind me, I felt a warm, fresh wind come in behind me, circling my body and sending goose bumps up my neck. I suddenly felt at home, standing there waiting for my pick-up order, smelling the fresh scent of steaming chicken soup and stir-fried vegetables. I caught a glimpse of the wisps of black hair from the elderly Chinese lady, the white pottery with soft green accents, and heard the sound of bells attached to the entry door, which reminded me of the Chinese restaurant I used to go to as a child. The sights, sounds and smells felt eerily familiar and extremely comfortable, and seemed beautiful. I left wondering if it was a sign from God to adopt from China, and suddenly the barrier I had built in my mind to keep me from traveling to Asia was disappearing. Childhood memories tied to the Chinese culture kept surfacing in my mind throughout the week.

There were the times my parents took me to Chinatown as a little girl and bought me neat little colorful trinkets, like rice candy, bright blue and floral pajamas and a miniature tea set. My favorite thing in my plethora of pink Barbie set-up was a tiny traditional red and jade green Chinese lantern. My mom let me use one shelf of the hall closet to set up a Barbie apartment. I scotch-taped a loop attached to the top of the lantern to Barbie's ceiling. I loved the bright colors and red tassles. These were memories that were long forgotten and were only now surfacing from the depths of my memory. I remember the joy of picking which tea set it was that I wanted from a Chinatown restaurant. It was a big event because the tea set was more expensive than silk pajamas and slippers, straw hats and fancy painted chopsticks. I believe I was somewhere between the ages of 7 and 9. I sat mesmerized, looking up at various tea sets circling the Chinese restaurant we were eating in. I chose a softly colorful one, with mostly jade green and pink designs.

Another memory was the local Chinese restaurant my parents started taking me to in 1976 when I was a baby. Cheap and yummy, we ate there often. Called Lee's Chopsuey and located in Bremen Mall in Tinley Park, it led to the ultimate sign from God.

Loving art from birth, it seems, I would stare at this "hole in the wall" restaurant's long tapestries, decorated with Chinese ladies in traditional clothing, and an intriguing painting hanging over the cash register. Year after year, from a little girl to a teenager to a young woman in college, I never tired of looking at this intriguing painting of Chinese fishermen with straw hats, pulling a very large net overflowing with fishes--what looked like thousands of fishes. Even more interesting, the men were near the shore, walking into the white billowing waves as they attempted to haul the heavy net. Could the waves have actually brought in that many fresh fish to the shore? It looked like a miraculous event.

As I was remembering this painting, wondering what became of Lee's Chopsuey restaurant after I got married and moved to the western suburbs, the words of Jesus speaking to his disciples Simon Peter and Andrew came to me: "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." (Mark 1:16-18) Here's the story from chapter 5 of Luke in the NIV version of the Bible (very close to all other Bibles):
Luke 5: One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret (Sea of Galilee), with the people crowding around him and listening to the word of God, he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat. When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch. Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets." When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men." So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed Him.

The miraculous scene of fishermen trying to pull in a net of thousands of fish reminded me of the words of Jesus. Bob and I were to be fishers of men, or fishers of orphans. James 1:27 states, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." This is not to be confused with the way of salvation (having a relationship with Christ and going to heaven). To be forgiven of sin (every human being whoever lived, lives and will live is a sinner) and to be seen as righteous in God's eyes, it is clear from the Bible that we have to believe that Jesus, God come down as man, died for our sins and rose again, ask Him for forgiveness of our sin, give our lives over to Jesus (give Jesus control and let Him direct our lives), and trust Him in order to have a relationship with Christ and receive the Holy Spirit into our minds/hearts. But "religion," good works that we should do as Christians, that should be born out of a desire given to us by the Holy Spirit to help the needy, includes looking after or helping the helpless! God cares for those who are suffering. (No, that doesn't mean everyone is called to adopt, obviously.)

Next, I brought up the topic to Bob. I said that I think God is leading me to adopt from China. He said he had the same feeling. Except his feeling was stronger than a feeling. He was sure of it. That week, God had been speaking to him, as well. One day at work, while he was flipping through the adoption agency's packet of information on various countries, he got very emotional when he got to the page on China. At the same time, a Christian song on the radio about a father raising a daughter came on. Getting emotional is unusual for Bob, a pretty level headed and practical guy who rarely sheds any tears. On the train to work the next morning, while flipping through the same packet, he felt the same emotion when he got to page on China. By the time he got off the train, he was convinced we should go to China. Quite a switch for a guy who was leaning toward a little boy from Eastern Europe. And when we compared stories, we knew that that's where God wanted us to go.

Now, I am excited about going to China. No, I'm not excited about the long plane ride, especially the long plane ride home with a one-year-old who barely knows us and might be screaming because of it. It takes 13-14 hours on a plane from Hong Kong to Chicago. Yay. And no, I'm not looking forward to eating probably only rice and cooked vegetables and whatever snacks I can bring with in my suitcase. Raw vegetables can contain water which can contain bacteria I'm not used to. I don't eat any meat besides chicken, but I won't be eating chicken due to the amount of times I've gotten food poisoning overseas. But I am very excited about picking up my little girl and seeing where she is from. I am excited about an adventure that God has called us to. And when I get impatient with the long wait and lonely for my future daughter, I want to surround myself with Chinese culture, which is good because it's important to share the country of origin's culture with an adopted child. The child's birth parents are in that country and they are unknown, causing the child to go through an identity crisis sometime in life. Adopted children need to know all the details about their country of origin and adoption story that adoptive parents are able to share.

I managed to find a little lamp like the one I had when I was a child the last time I was in Chinatown. The man who owned the store told me that the lamps aren't sold anywhere anymore and that he found a few in an old warehouse and thought he would sell them. What would be grand to me is if I can find the painting that hung over the cash register at Lee's. I've done many long searches on the Internet and stopped at an art store downtown where I spoke with knowledgeable artists, and I haven't been able to find any prints. Apparently, it's obscure. I heard from a friend still living in the south suburbs that the elderly Cantonese couple who owned Lee's retired (I believe their last name was Yee/Yhee) and that it's owned by someone else now. I might end up making my way out there one of these days to see if the painting is still on the wall, if the Yhees left it behind. If it is, I will offer to buy it and replace it with another one! It's amazing how the parts of one's life can, with divine purpose, come together like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. To me, it shows how time lapse in time-space history and the laws of physics (for every action, there is a reaction) are elements of our universe, known by human perception, but created and used by God to fulfill his purposes.

The perfect temperature

2008-08-12T04:57:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday was the most gorgeous day here in storybookland (that's what I call my family-oriented western suburb with antique houses, tall trees and a quaint downtown). The air seemed the perfect temperature...the breeze was not warm and not cool...on the borderline and it felt so wonderful. It was comfortable for a short-sleeve shirt, without sweating. I looked up what the temp. was on the weather channel and it said the high was 74 degrees. If the high hadn't hit yet, perhaps it was 72-73. It's best when it's between 70 and 75! San Diego is calling my name...

Shower #2 at Lisle Bible Church

2008-08-04T10:47:00.000-07:00

Our friend Rachel threw a fantastic shower for us...Chinese decorations...yummy homemade food...she put so much work into throwing us a cute party...it was so much fun and we are so grateful!

Ben's Auntie Rachel stands by her homemade salads and baked veggie dish. Others brought veggies and fruit, as well. The Sutanto family, not pictured because they left a little early, also brought great homemade chicken skewers and basmati rice.

Me, Rachel, and Megan. Megan kindly took many of these pictures.

Table settings:

Mommy showed off Ben with the picture Bob's parents put together and another picture. The nice and generous gifts people gave us:

We have been going to Lisle Bible Church for 9 years now and love our Lisle Bible family.

Rachel, Galina, and Margie:

Shirley, Merna, Joan, and Nola:

Joyce and Sue:

Not everyone's gift is pictured, but we love and appreciate all of the nice gifts. Many people came up with wonderful creative surprises that we hadn't even considered when we registered.

Fitted sheet from Joan:

Go Diego Go has the coolest stuff. This is a floor puzzle from Megan and Matt:
Animal floor puzzle to be exact. Ben supposedly loves animals so this is great:
We received photo frames from a couple different people...This is a good gift for us since I'm picture happy:
Good old Memory game from Matt and Megan!
Beginners' computer keyboard from Galina and Ivan. Very neat:
This is a certificate for a year's membership to the DuPage Children's Museum, which also includes admission to the Children's Museum at Navy Pier. Very neat gift idea from the Kulevich family, the Howells, and Gene V. We will enjoy this!
Beginners Bible from Merna and Rich Witzke. This is a very popular children's Bible, written for very young children:
Sue Shepherd was very creative...Her gifts were water-themed...She wrapped a Little People boat and a rubber ducky in a beach towel. Now Ben has his own beach towel for Michigan!
Bob checks out the boat that Ben (and maybe Bob) will def. enjoy. The rubber ducky is in cop clothes and tells if the water is too hot: Cute clothes from Nola and Jim Chapman.

Cute PJs from Margie:

Party favors...treats in mini take-out boxes:

Ben's Shower

2008-07-21T04:24:00.000-07:00

Bob's parents put together a nice picture of ben with his name in the frame and bought these pretty flowers. How sweet!

Party favors included a candle and a Chinese take-out box with Chinese candy and cookies inside:

Beautiful quilt that my talented mom and dad made for Ben. So special!

Uncle Bill, cousin Bill, Wendell, Aunt Taffy, and Aunt Priscilla:

Edgar and Maria Leguizamon (Monica's parents), Aunt Donna, Uncle Terry, Bob's dad Chuck, and Bob's mom Janet:

My mom, friend Sheila, my dad, Bob's brother Dan, and Bob:

Two of my best friends are out of the country, Italy and China, but I know they wanted to be there for Ben and were with us in spirit! Friends Maryfrances, Andrea, Jeanne, Becky, Rachel, and Susan:

Friend Sheila:

Gift time:

I don't have pictures of everyone's gift here...some pics didn't turn out too well and there were so many gifts. However, every guest was so generous and kind and we loved all the gifts! Thank you to everyone for a lovely shower! My dad and mom helped organize gift time:

Dan thinks about stealing the planes Cousin Billy gave to Ben:

Awww...a teddy bear from Sheila:

Ha ha...Sponge Bob Squarepants!

Becky gave me a T-shirt that says "mom" in Chinese...How sweet!:

How nice of Michael and Monica to send gifts even though they couldn't come. They live in Seattle. Zanzibar bedding:

Bob can't wait to start playing with the construction set:

Bob is excited about getting another toy for himself...a dump truck:

Andrea's baby Gianna finds a bow to be tasty:

Creative Susan wrapped each one of our gifts in a different color of tissue paper:

Susan hand-knit this sweater for Ben! How sweet. And it looks so professional!

My grandma Dot wasn't up to the drive from Indiana, but she sweetly sent along this wonderful Play-Do Creativity Center:

Ben's Birthday was Tuesday

2008-07-17T08:49:00.000-07:00

I wish we could have spent Ben's 3rd birthday with him, but he is still in China. We had a service send a cake to the orphanage for him and other kids to split. I hope the workers gave it to the kids; one woman who used to volunteer there told me that she doubts the kids saw it. But we can only hope. I baked a strawberry rhubarb pie for us to celebrate Ben's birthday...wish he could have had a piece! This picture is for him.

Could someone tell me how to get rid of arm flab?

Ben's little cousin

2008-07-15T04:49:00.000-07:00

We got to visit our sister-in-law Monica and our niece Isabel while they were in town a week ago. In Monica's parents' (Maria and Edgard Leguizamon's) backyard:

Bob, Sally, and Dan go to Michigan

2008-07-14T05:16:00.001-07:00

We ate at the Mermaid Restaurant on the marina in Saugatuck on Friday night, after going to Oval Beach:

We walked along the Saugatuck Dunes State Park beach on Saturday. We had to hike for a little over a mile through wooded dunes to get to this beach, but it was worth it. We came upon the Saugatuck Dunes by accident, after missing a turn for the Holland Dunes. It turned out to be a good thing, as this is a very nice, uncrowded beach:
We ate outside at Restaurant Toulouse in Saugatuck on Saturday night. Bob and I had a romantic dinner there a couple of summers ago. Before dinner, we stopped at the Fenn Valley Winery and sampled some wines. Restaurant Toulouse:
On the way home on Sunday, we stopped in Southhaven for a few hours. We took the nice walk out to the lighthouse:
Walking along the inlet in Southhaven:
Looking at all the boats in the Saugatuck marina on Friday and Saturday nights and the Southhaven marina on Sunday morning was so nice with the sun sparkling on the water and the summer breeze. It was a beautiful weekend.

I love seeing sailboats on the water. It will be fun to bring Ben to Michigan next summer so he can enjoy the beaches and the boats. Maybe next summer, we'll take a boat ride! Boy, my head looks weird in this picture!

New pics of Ben! I contacted Ben's foster mom!

2008-06-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

A volunteer was kind enough to take these pictures at the orphanage on Friday. It is so nice to see what Ben looks like now and who his friends and ayis ("aunties"/caretakers) are! Ben in the middle:

The boy to the right is Andrew, supposedly his best friend at the orphanage. He is also being adopted and we hope to travel with his family at the same time. That would be so nice for the boys. Andrew's family lives in Minnesota.
Ben was supposedly abandoned the day he was born. Since he obviously wouldn't remember his birth parents, Steve and Jackie Fitch (Ben's foster parents) were Ben's first set of parents from Sept./Oct. 2006 to March 2008, almost 1 & 1/2 years. He would have been a little over a year when he moved in with them. It was very exciting making contact with Jackie and receiving information about what Ben is like and pictures from their time with him. If it wouldn't have been for the foreign volunteers at the orphanage, I wouldn't even know he was fostered because the orphanage always tells parents their children weren't fostered. I guess it is so that we parents think the orphanage is doing a good job with the kids...so that the credit goes to them so they can try to build a good reputation? I can't think of why else they would lie about something like foster care, which is a good thing and something that shouldn't be hidden. Little do they know that we foreign parents are very resourceful, that our government doesn't block our blogs and discussion groups like the Chinese gov. does, and that we know a lot more than they think we do.

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Since Ben went to live with Steve and Jackie when he was a little over a year, they are logically the only parents he ever remembers having. Though he was familiar with the orphanage because he stayed there when his parents went on vacation, I'm sure that in his mind, he was abandoned and left by his parents when he was returned to the orphange. I guess that would be like my parents leaving me at one of my aunt's or grandparents' houses when I was about 2 1/2. Unfortunately, that's how foster care works. However, it's better for the child than only being institutionalized. Being institutionalized for a long time can damage a child and their ability to act normal and form attachments much more than foster care. In foster care, they can form normal attachments and get enough stimulation, attention, and nutrition in order to grow physically, emotionally, and mentally.

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It'd be better if children got matched up much sooner with parents and the beaurocracy went a lot faster so they could get adopted within the first half year of their life and there would be no need for foster care, but unfortunately that's not the case, especially with waiting children who have special needs. They grow older as they wait for parents willing to adopt them, despite the medical needs they have. I found out that our son had been on the COP list since at least last November. Foster care parents in China (the good ones) do a wonderful thing when they take in orphans and care for them for a while or until their forever parents can adopt them. One volunteer told me that some Chinese foster families for the Suzhou orphanage are good and some are bad. I don't know why the bad foster care parents bother...do they get paid or are they just mentally ill? I have the same questions for bad foster parents in America. Most foster families in China are obviously Chinese, but Ben was fostered by a British couple from Guernsey and knows a lot of English!

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Steve (now Jackie's ex-husband) and Jackie, Ben's wonderful and loving foster mom, who went back to Guernsey this past spring to live with her adult daughter and grandchildren, due to unfortunate and unforseen circumstances. She misses sweet little Ben terribly and was so happy to hear he's soon going to a loving forever home:These are pics Jackie sent us from this past Christmas. He's changed so much already. Through all the wonderful information and pictures from Jackie and the volunteers, Bob and I feel like we have gotten to know Ben a little. It's such a blessing to fill in the would-have-been gaps in his life for him and us! I so hope we can go to China and pick him up very soon and bring him back to his forever home!
God is amazing because Ben is so my son. He loves animals and loves to dance to music! Jackie said he would amaze people when music came on! And he would blow kisses to the chickens in the market...awww. That is so much like his forever mommy and daddy!

Ben gets into his bag of goodies at Christmas time: Jackie says Ben has a good appetite and is not a fussy eater...well, I guess that's something different than mommy, but hey, that would make him a lot like daddy used to be. He doesn't care for fresh tomatoes though, at this point. His favorite fruit is bananas. He likes milkshakes, milk, fruit juices, and tea....that's exactly what mommy likes to drink and make...I can't wait to introduce you to our local ZJ China's fruit smoothies, Ben!
He had his own bedroom, which he loved. He liked a story at bedtime; he loves Pooh Bear and the Teletubbies; he also loved watching them on TV and singing along (in English). Mommy has Pooh Bear books already, Ben!

I have yet to find out when the following pics were taken. I'm guessing a bit after Xmas, since he already looks older here. I love this pic:Ben with Jackie's son, Matt, whom he loved.

Wow...it's an amazing stick:

The following are some older pics of Ben. Jackie says the pic of Ben on the sit and ride was taken in Oct. of last year when Ben was 2 years and 3 months, a couple of months before the Xmas pics. Children change so fast!

Look at this cute little smile:

Here are Ben's dogs that he loved. This pic is one of those super cute child and pet photos:

Updates on Ben!

2008-06-19T06:18:00.000-07:00

I managed to get in contact with English-speaking (American and Australian) volunteers working at Ben's orphanage who have graciously spent their time writing e-mails to me, describing Ben and his orphanage, trying to find more recent pictures, and measuring him for me! It looks like he's ready for 3T right now and will be in 3T through the winter, since he's on the lower end of the measurement for 3T. He turns 3 next month and sounds very average in terms of American sizes. According to the volunteers, he's not the introverted child described in the referral report at all...He sounds outgoing, happy, smiley, sweet, caring, and playful, and he likes to be hugged and held. They say he also likes to help out the workers when they are feeding other children. One thing that was true, according to one lady, is that he likes to look at books. There are apparently hardly any toys at the orphanage and ones the volunteers bring in mysteriously disappear...maybe because it's work to keep them clean. He does know some English, probably because he was in foster care with a British couple for at least a year and a half, and they called him "Chris or Chrissy." I guess it's possible he was introverted and afraid of strangers before he went into foster care. In late February or early March, he came back to the orphanage. He was understandably upset at first, but appeared to be very happy after adjusting, according to one volunteer. I'm imagining he'll probably have seperation anxiety with us. After getting an e-mail from me, one volunteer told him that he is soon going to a new home; she said it in English and she wasn't sure if he understood her because he just smiled. It turns out that a volunteer found a picture that was taken around this past Christmas:

Let's get a better look! Awww...

We're registered for the shower...Ben's info. may be wrong...Dr. Seuss and other books in Chinese!

2008-06-06T06:14:00.000-07:00

Thank you to all moms who gave me advice via e-mail, blog posts, phone, etc., on what to buy. I really appreciate it! We have finished registering at Toysrus/Babiesrus/Kidsrus. The same registry can be obtained at all three stores. The registry can be viewed online for convenience by going to http://www.toysrus.com/ and clicking on the "baby registry" tab. As a reminder, our last name is not spelled with a "t" at the end. The chain doesn't get in Fall clothes until the beginning of July so we can't add those until then. If Kohl's gets in Fall clothes by the beginning of July, we may register there, as well. I just looked at the http://www.chinasprout.com/ website again and I would love gift certificates for that, as well! They've got tons of bilingual books--almost all the Dr. Seuss books in Chinese and English--and books to help children come to terms with adoption. I love this site!

I've joined a couple of online adoption groups and I've unfortunately heard that the stats orphanages put in reports for the children could very well be incorrect...There is another couple whom we might be traveling with who are also adopting a 3-year-old boy, from the same orphanage, who has the same exact measurements, personality traits, and "favorite toys." This is either coincidence or whoever was filling out the forms just puts down average size measurements, etc...one mother found that her baby girl was much smaller than reported. I guess we will see when we get there!

I just read what I typed on the Toysrus/Babiesrus registry list and realized that I'm pretty darn picky:
Registrant's Message: WE'D LOVE GIFT CERTIFICATES TO WWW.CHINASPROUT.COM & FALL/WINTER CLOTHES IN 3T & 4T. IF SUMMER CLOTHES, BUY 4T. DON'T LIKE THEMED STUFF (SPIDERMAN & HULK) OR SPORTS STUFF. CLASSICS LIKE WINNIE, COOKIE MONSTER OK. PREFER PANTS W/ ADJUSTABLE WAIST. PREFER P.J.S WITH LOOSE BOTTOM PANTS OVER LONG UNDERWEAR STYLE. PREFER PLAIN WHITE UNDIES. WE ALSO NEED TODDLER BED SHEETS, PLAIN WHITE OR LIGHT GREEN. THANKS!

Memorial Day celebration...summer's here...Sienna turned 8...Goodbye to my wonderful students...

2008-06-06T04:37:00.000-07:00

We are about to eat yummy salmon that Bob grilled. Dan wears the shirt we got him:

Here's to another Memorial Day and enjoying summer on our deck! It was a very cool spring fluctuating between the 50s and 70s; but suddenly, Chicago-style, a very warm, humid summer fell from the sky to Chicago the second half of May this year. We never do see much of the in-between 70s temps:

My beautiful hanging Begonia flowers:
I love all the different shapes of flowers of the Begonia. When they fall off, I sometimes put them in bowls of water for decoration until they wilt:
Hydrangea flowers my mom bought me and that we planted. I just love this old-fashioned flower that the Victorians loved to plant in front of their houses:
Bob tilled a larger patch of dirt this year so I could plant a bigger garden on May 24. In the front row, 3 cucumber plants. Behind that, a zucchini plant (mmm). Third row, a strawberry plant and a cayenne pepper plant on the right. I tried growing serrano peppers last year for my salsa, but they take a long time to grow. Also tried cilantro last year, which I managed to kill, but I bought it kind of small and wilty, so maybe it's not my fault! A Mexican student from the factory class just gave me a huge beautiful bunch of the freshest cilantro I've ever seen from their garden.
The tomato plants...a must every year! The two on the left are "Early girl." The two in the back center and right are "Beefmaster." The two in the front center and right are an organic heirloom variety. Ok, now I'm a little disturbed. I always assumed my garden tomatoes were organic; I guess the non-organic plants I bought were grown with chemicals and possibly cross-bred?
This picture is sideways, but the small plants in the front are rosemary and basil. A "garden salsa" hot pepper plant is growing behind them:

Sienna girl turned eight on May 27 so we gave our furry babies their first Frosty Paws frozen dog treat of the season:
Doggies enjoying bones on deck. Mickey wants to come in with his bone:
Come on guys, lemme in!
I'm waiting...

Some of my students at the last day party of my West Chicago class. I was with some of these students since September and will miss teaching them. It was a blessing as always working with this warm, easy-going population. The loving and sweet Otilia leans on me. Angela Mains, the DuPage Education Director, stands in the background with her baby, talking to Pastor Shane of Faith Community Church:
First row: Maricela, Ana, Apolinar (Poli), and Clementina;
Second row: Elvia, Norma, Eva, and Otilia. Anabel and Reyna, who I lost to more hours at their jobs, are not pictured. Rodolfo, who was celebrating with his wife at the Level 2 class's table, is also not pictured:
We were about to eat delicious Mexican food catered by a Mexican restaurant/caterer:

Carolyn, the DuPage Education Coordinator, my super cool boss, split before the food was served so she's not pictured. Level 2 ESL Instructor Gloria (on the left), office payroll girl Rachel, and Phoebe, liaison between World Relief and the West Chicago churches where classes were held:
Education Assistant Katherine, ESL Instructor Aimee, and Mary, a classroom aide:
My other class in Warrenville. The students had a much higher level of English there, which allowed us to joke around in English and do a lot of laughing. Beatrice and Reyna in front. Ulises, Silvia, Melchor, and Alejandro in back. Beatrice's husband Salvador is not pictured...he had to work. With the nice weather, which meant more work for some of my students, I lost a few when Spring hit:
Ulises and his girlfriend were so sweet...They bought our little Ben the coolest package of little animal figurines and a beautiful wood frame, in which we can put a family picture someday!
Our classroom aides...my aide Jeanne is on the right:
The Level 2 teacher, Brandy, and her students celebrate:

Bob and I went to Oak Street Beach this past Saturday, ate at the rip-off restaurant there and drank bad sangria in plastic glasses, but that didn't matter because we had a lovely view of the lake, furbished with palm trees by the restaurant, and walked along the beach and nighttime Chicago skyline after dinner in the warm summer breeze. It was very nostalgic, as we walked there on our third date in 1995 and many dates thereafter. What a beautiful night and date with my wonderful hubbie! The last downtown walk we had last season before saying goodbye to summer was at Grant Park, walking through the gardens and watching the Grant Park fountain change colors. That is always nostalgic, as well, as we had our first date there during the Blues fest of 1995!

Is Ben a Big Ben?....Our shower will be Saturday, July 19!

2008-05-18T12:49:00.000-07:00

Although a few people have commented that they think Ben is big, according to both average sizes of American kids (CDC gov. info.) and clothing chart info., he's average and would probably fit into 3T clothes. I guess I'll tell people who come to my shower to either buy 3T clothes or 4T clothes. Pants should have adjustable or elastic waists. 4T pants without adjustable or elastic waists should have belt loops. Fall, winter, and spring clothes would be the most useful, as we're getting him in the fall.

I would be appreciative if moms would let me know what else is needed for a three-year-old boy. Due to my brother giving us my nieces' stuff and me collecting Chinese decor and children's books, we already have nightlights, child clothes hangers, dishes for toddlers, soft washclothes, outlet and cabinet protectors, a toddler bed, room decor, tons of books, although I don't mind more, and we don't need dressers because of adequate closet space. I know we need more clothes, toys, a toy box, a car seat, a stroller, and bedding. As far as personal hygeine, I have a small nail clipper, a brush and combs. We need a child toothbrush and I'm not sure what else. I am really hoping he's potty trained by the time we receive him!!! Although we love him and that would make it easier, I hate the whole diaper thing and would rather clean up the dog run because at least I don't have to get as close to it with my long-handled dog scooper. I'm p#@* paranoid. :) That was probably a bad thing to say, huh?

Celebrate at The Grape!
My mother-in-law just booked The Grape restaurant in Westmont for our shower, which will be on Saturday, July 19, for some family and friends. I look forward to it! The restaurant is a very nice, expensive place, but the rates for big groups were actually more reasonable than other places! It'll be at 12:30 and lunch will be served. We will send out invites soon. Half of my friends are going to be gone that weekend on vacations or going to weddings either out of the country or out of state. My church friends are going to throw a shower for me, as well. Friends who didn't make the first one are welcome, but not expected, to attend that one. :)

My new apron...Ben painting...Our sons...Lemon tree...I miss Italia...Horribly long winter leads to nice but reluctant Spring

2008-05-16T04:48:00.000-07:00

I finished this sewing project before things got crazy--being matched with Ben and the corresponding paperwork, the end of the semester with three different classes of students, and receiving chiropractic treatments. Call me Martha Stewart and you're dead. But I found this out-of-style large linen dress at a thrift store and I envisioned making an apron out of it, so I did. I cut the straps off of the back, shortened them, and sewed them together to make a single apron strap that goes around the neck. I then cut the back off by cutting the sides along the seam, which I folded over and stitched. Then I used the extra material from what used to be the back of the dress to cut strips of fabric to make the ties, which I folded, stitched and then stitched to the sides of the apron. I hemmed the front so it wouldn't be so long on me. Before:

For fun, I cut out a heart from some other left over fabric I had used to make pants and a shirt. I ironed the edges under and then stitched it on with a decorative stitch around the edges. Finished product:
Thank goodness the painting I painted for "Sophie" doesn't say "daughter," but "panda" and "cherry blossom" instead. I want to do a Chinese dragon painting for Ben as well. My mom suggested I paint pandas on his wall, but I'm not sure I'm up for such a big project, and it's so permanent like that. He might want something typically boy-like when he gets a little older, like race cars. Lots to do this summer in getting ready for our precious little Ben!

April: My old Southside pal Sheila and I at the Ginger Peach Asian restaurant in Tinley Park, where her cousin sometimes sings on weekend evenings. Our sons are both three years old--how neat!

My lemon tree is growing tiny lemons!

This past long winter was reluctant to leave. March this year only brought a couple of nice days. There were more beautiful days in April and May, interspersed with cool days, so April brought in a nice, slow spring, which is unusual for Chicago, a city that seems to me to usually go from a yucki cold winter to a short spring to a nice, warm and hot summer. Got my outside flower pots planted--hope it doesn't freeze again! I can't wait for this year's Millenium Park concerts and picnicking to begin. I hope Ben enjoys picnicking in the park in 2009. Tee hee!

This is our son!!! IT'S THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!

2008-04-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

This is our son, Benjamin Youshan, from China who we received into our hearts yesterday when our adoption agency let us know we'd been matched with him. A day before our birthday--this is the best birthday present we've ever received! Look at that little face!

Su Youshan is his Chinese name now at the orphanage. Benjamin Youshan is like saying Benjamin, who was born in the year of the Rooster, will be kind-hearted. You means year of the rooster and Shan means kind. Oh yeah...and Benjamin means son of my right hand in Hebrew. So...the son of our right hand, who was born in the year of the rooster, will be kind-hearted. Is that long enough? Ha ha...

Unfortunately, we can't get him right away. We have to wait for China to give us the ok to come and get him. We will most likely fly over sometime late summer or fall, probably in the fall. They will probably let us know 3-6 weeks before we have to fly. Yikes, if it's only 3 weeks notice, that'll be an interestingly busy 3 weeks. I hope they have the forethought to let us know more ahead of time. I will have to find a substitute and we will have to get doggie care for those two weeks. And pack... What could we be doing here? Someone is making him smile! According to the report, he's shy, quiet, fairly introverted right now, likes quietness, and is afraid of strangers. However, he likes listening to music and singing, playing with toys (what child doesn't like that?), and reading picture books. I will have to introduce him to the piano (little that I know)! His favorite activities listed are stacking blocks and bouncing a ball. His favorite toys listed are balls and cars.

His birthday and place of finding
Bejamin Youshan, was formerly Su Yousan (Su is currently his last name and is derived from the fact that he lives in Suzhou City, a little west of Shanghai). He was apparently left near Dapuji Bridge in Suzhou City because that's where he was picked up at 12:04 on July 15, 2005. Chinese doctors estimated him to have been born that day. His birthday is therefore July 15. This July, he will be three years old. I guess we will celebrate his birthday without him. Perhaps we will take pictures of the celebration and send the pictures to him if we can!

Where is Suzhou City and what is it like?

It's in southeastern China, in the Jiangsu province, 50 miles west of Shanghai. It's about a 45-minute train ride and about an hour drive from Shanghai. This city is not an out there place--it ranks as the 5th city in GDP in China, has a lot of businesses, and is a tourist destination with a lot of gardens. It was built in the 5oo's BC, is 42% covered by water, is "semi-humid and subtropical," is called the Venice of China, and is along the Yangtze River and on Lake Taihu. Link about Suzhou City: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzhou Another good link with nice pictures: http://www.travelchinaguide.com/cityguides/suzhou.htm
We were meant to go to this city--unlike many areas of China, where it seems they eat only pork, duck, and bugs on sticks at restaurants, they are known for their seafood and chicken dishes. There is also a vegetarian restaurant in the city--woowee for me!!! Suzhou is also known for the sweet taste of the dishes--I hope it is also spicy! I read that the cuisine is unique in that they have many different yummy desserts--they are so into this that the roadside pastries differ monthly. It is also known for it's art, performing arts, fans, and clothing materials and designs. The best time to visit, according to one site, is either the spring or fall, because the summer is very hot and the winter is colder. On one site, I did read from a couple of visiting Americans that they weren't too impressed by Suzhou because of all the traffic, pollution, people spitting, industry, etc., claiming that more beautiful places were in nearby smaller cities. They also said not to expect the kind of gardens we usually imagine as beautiful. I guess think Bonsai style instead of filled with flowers. We'll see!

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Another nice thing that happened today was the fiesta my students threw for me in my West Chicago class. I was about to take a break with them in the sanctuary for Bible study time when one of my students shut the door, not letting me out, and two students scurried out. They came back with balloons, roses, and a card, and impressed me with singing Happy Birthday in English! After Bible study, they brought out cakes, put candles in one and sang it again and then sang it in Spanish. One lady who brought a radio to class turned on traditional Mexican music while we ate Mexican cake with cute little plastic clowns all over it and a jello and flan combo. dessert. Each student came up to me to give me a hug. My students are all SOooo sweet. I feel so blessed on this Birthday, mostly because of our precious new son!!!!!

stupid bad old poetry...

2008-04-02T14:34:00.001-07:00

i am on spring break this week, trying to organize things. i came across old poetry that i wrote in high school and college.

this one from high school was typed using a blue typewriter (from the 1960s?) and typing paper, not that computers weren't out yet in the early 90s, but that's what i used:

life is:
a picture book forever changing
a grain of sand on the beach
a rose with many thorns
a forest--you either find a tree to climb or you wander around, trying to find a path
an old song that has new meaning each time you listen to it
a jigsaw puzzle
paint by number--the colors are already there and you just add water
a scrabble game--you keep building onto other words, some of your letters are worth more than others, and when you fill up the board, it's all over
a balloon--carefully inflated and easily deflated with the prick of a needle
a maze
the night before xmas--were you naughty or nice?
a joke you don't understand--you pretend to understand and laugh or you seek to understand the meaning

this one i wrote about my hubbie's room when we were dating and he still lived with his parents. he had many interesting things in his room, including a fish net and a black light--it was quite eclectic:

i shed my coat from a generation ago
to enjoy freely the sea things set a glow
we eat popadum with a hanging bird
three perched owls, and a palm tree somewhat absurd

one empty collar, a lion head, and wreaths of shark's teeth
compete with new york's buildings underneath
this smoke-filled room
with gargoyle's that shout out doom

we're nervous in new york
until the sun goes down and we pop the cork
incense, orbital, darkness and colored beams
fill our boulevard of broken dreams

a jungle of a thousand voices
a jungle of a thousand noises
instruments and rhythms floating in the air
replace every emotion and any care

glowing teeth under black light
glowing eyes in the night
are larger than the old man and his cane
it's this time that keeps us sane

Italia trip!!!

2008-03-02T14:41:00.000-08:00

Like last time we went to Italia, I didn't want to come back. When I get a chance, I'd like to also get our pics on here from four years ago when we went to Italia the first time. It'd be interesting to compare, partly to compare Bob's old camera with our digital camera. Weather was mostly in the 50s, getting cooler at night in the 40s. Felt good to have a break from extreme winter in Chicago and be able to walk around. Like last time in the Cinque Terra, we had to strip down to our knit shirts while hiking in the mountains the first day.

First stop was Firenze (known as Florence for some reason to English-speakers). Near the Ponte Vecchio statue on the main bridge, Bob stands near an OLD door. The street used to be a butchers' street a long time ago, but nowadays, the shops sell gold jewelry. Tons of stores selling gold jewelry to tourists--I'm not sure why so many tourists were looking. Was the gold cheaper than in America, Japan and other countries? Or were the women just mesmerized by all the gold? I was only interested in the river views and the ancient buildings and doors. The stores also had wood that would roll down over the whole shop front or slide from the left and right and close together in the middle. Many doors were short in Italia, probably because of the average height of the people. I was, like last time, amazed at the shortness of the Italian people. Lots of teeny tiny young Italian women and men who were Bob's height. I think I could have bought clothes that fit well there! But clothes in Firenze were expensive, this being an artsy and touristy area of Italia. Anyway, the wood covers and doors were all different along the street, which I found fascinating, because they were used long ago to house butcher shops. And no, I don't know how old. Italia is not a country of information. They largely take historical things for granted and hardly anything has a plaque or sign. The ancient Colloseum and forum stands in Roma, afterall. I suppose I could do some Internet research.

Are you taller than Bob? Then you need to duck to get into this shop!

The first time we meet up with Sharon. I caught a fantastic pic of her running to greet us:
The other door phenomenon in Italia is super-tall and ornate doors. Many of the high-ceiling buildings in Firenze, Milano and Roma have these types of doors, all unique and ornately created and super heavy:

The bridge in this pic is where the gold stores are and where we met up with Sharon:

Typical Firenze street:

Sitting outside of a cafe, eating those yummy caprese sandwiches:

Santa Croce Church that houses the tombs of the most famous: artist Michaelangelo, astronomer Galileo, and author Dante are a few.

Michaelangelo's bones lie inside this tomb:

Dante's tomb:

Galileo's tomb. The statues fittingly look to the sky:

San Miniato Church at the top of a mountain on one side of Firenze, above Piazza Michaelangelo. Behind the church is an amazing cemetary, which I named the city of the dead, because there is a whole town of little houses/elaborate tombs for dead people, along with tombstones. Perhaps people with money had houses built for deceased family members.

Firenze countryside view near this church, right outside of the city:
Firenze city view; different direction but same location as previous pic.

The city of the dead. This is only a small section:

There were rows and rows of houses along walkways in other areas. A town of the dead.

We peeked inside many of these houses/tombs through the doors and saw that it appears their descendants enter into the houses and leave flowers and candles. There were places to sit inside, old paintings, paintings depicting Jesus's mother Mary, etc. Italia, like Mexico, is into worship of Mary. There are little areas carved out in the facade of buildings everywhere for statues and pictures of Mary, with flowers and/or candles set on a small shelf before the picture or statue.

A beautiful angel frescoe above one of the tombs' doors:

The glass to this door was broken, allowing me to take a pic of the inside of the house. This is probably a statue of the deceased:

Leaving the ghostly city on the hill:
There are many cats that roam free in Italia. They all look well-fed and most are friendly. It seems that the Italians believe cats should be allowed to roam outside. We saw bowls of cat food and milk and rugs for them outside of doorways. Many Italians were also walking dogs. Sometimes they were on leashes and sometimes they weren't. It was amazing how well-behaved some of the dogs were.

The first night in Firenze, Sharon and friends tried taking us to an aperativo, which is a bar of snacks that people eat from after ordering an alcoholic beverage. Some aperativos have enough food to be a dinner. It was a hip place, but it was the night we got in (we had traveled for 24 hours and had been up for even longer!), it was really packed, and we were waiting for a long time to be seated. Bob and I were exhausted and finally just went back to our room, leaving Sharon to socialize with her friends.
The following pic is our second night out. Not all those bottles are wine! One is water and one is olive oil:

Okay, this was our waiter during our third night out in Firenze. We asked him to take a pic of us and he accidentally took a pic of himself first. Ha ha!

On the right, Sharon and her boyfriend Antonio:

This is Marco, the owner of the restaurant. He made the night very bizarre, bizarre like a Pulp Fiction-type scene:

What the ______ ?! After Marco wound up a miniature musical carousel and set it on the table, he pulled out a marti-gra-like mask and if my memory is correct, he told Sharon, "This is how you be sexy, Sharon." I didn't know masks with feathers and beads were so seductive. Ha!

I give it a try. Bob is seduced:

These are doors in our hotel room in Firenze. Ok, so I have a weird fascination with doors, which Bob finds boring. But Italian doors are so old world and neato. The open window/door is part of 4 top doors that you open to let in sunlight. The bottom part of the doors are connected to glass and open up to go outside:

The next day, we entered the magical little village Vernazza in the Cinque Terra, where I always leave part of my heart when I leave Italia. We walked up 113/114 steps (counted 114 four years ago and 113 this time). Looking down in the middle of the journey. People don't have dryers in Italia, so as you can see, they hang their clothes and linens outside of their windows. People lean outside of their windows to chat with each other or look out:

It's hard to explain how the village works, visually, without seeing it firsthand, so I tried to take a couple of pics this time. There is one main street with most of the restaurants and shops that leads from the town's tiny train station. However, the town starts to go uphill on both sides of that main street. Over time, buildings were built adjoining previous buildings, going up the mountains. If there is any room between buildings, it is because it's a narrow alley, which usually goes up or down with steps. The alleys curve around here and there, left and right, and are not flat for very long before they go up or down. Almost all alleys lead to more alleys. Along the way are many doorways to homes. It's like a climbing maze; obviously, cars can only drive down the main street in town.

This is a pic coming down from a restaurant we ate at four years ago but isn't open until March. You can't see them but behind me are doors on both sides to people's homes. In front of me, the alley curves around to the right and goes down:

View from the La Torre apartment we rented (Anna Maria's):

See that large building toward the top? It's the government building of the town. You have to take winding steps up through alleys to get there:

A Vernazza cat who came to visit us and who wanted to rub by Bob's legs:

The second day we were there was cloudy and rained a little, but the views were still stunning:

This old church was being restored the last time we were there. Now the steeple looks great and is a nice shade of yellow. The windows make me think this church is from medeival times. Again, no plaques of info. to let us know:

See the tall open area in the pink building to the right? That is an alleyway--an amazingly long and steep alleyway of steps that leads to a path that goes very high up a mountain:

Lemon trees!!! They were all over. I think they grow well in Italia in February:

Our first day, hiking, on the way to the town of Manarola:

Our second day of hiking; it was drizzling and the hike was a bit slippery and dangerous; this is Vernazza:

Aren't we high up?! It took a very long time to get that high--an hour, I think:

And then around the mountain and down the mountain, climbing through hillside vineyards, on the way to Monterosso:

On Wednesday afternoon, we headed back to Roma on the train and then spent the evening in Roma for our 9-year anniversary. The next morning, we left for home:

This pic didn't really turn out--you can't see the background. We were at the Spanish steps. We ate in a nice restaurant and then stopped by a wine bar near the Spanish steps to celebrate our anniversary:

Valentine's Day 2008

2008-02-15T07:59:00.000-08:00

This was the 13th V-Day together for Bob and me (9th as a married couple)! I made a cheese and chocolate fondue dinner for Bob. The white pot pictured and a yellow pot we used for the chocolate were a really good deal at a thrift store. I go thrifting with my friend Rachel for fun--it was quite a find since fondue sets are really expensive. Now I have those, which are high quality painted metal with wood handles and the metal set that bob bought me eons ago. Maybe some day, I'll do a 3-course dinner.

V-Day placemats and sparkly heart confetti:

Bob satisfied my heart's longing to have a lemon tree. I wanted this much more than roses! It reminds me of Italia, which we will be visiting very soon! I will set the pot outside when it gets warm and keep it indoors in the winter:

When it first arrived. Little buds:

Now there are white flowers. They smell very strong--a scent that's a cross between lilacs and gardenias. Lovely:

Stupidbowl...i mean...Superbowl Sunday at Benihana's

2008-02-05T17:57:00.000-08:00

Mmm...we await our stirfry!

Susan is powered by tofu!

Mr. Tofu, the pin cushion, sports an umbrella.

the Sophie saga

2008-02-04T11:39:00.000-08:00

April 23, 2008:
We received the April list of the children of promise last night from our new caseworker who said that as long as we have a log-in date in China, we are paper-ready to choose a child from that list. It's going to be really difficult. I feel such sympathy for all the children on the list who need loving homes--how do we choose some and not others?! The way it works is that we choose the children we're willing to adopt, our caseworker sends that list to the Michigan office, they prayerfully match up children with parents who chose them and then let us know if we've been matched with one of the children we said we are willing to adopt. Our final decisions, after researching the minor needs of each child and writing a letter explaining how we'd be able to deal with the needs, is due by this coming Tuesday morning--in a little less than a week! We are going to be busy researching needs and praying!

April 12, 2008:
people have been asking me for years now when we will get sophie. there are theories out there about why china is hardly adopting out children right now, such as them not wanting to be seen as a child exporter during the olympics; nonetheless, if they continued at this suddenly and suspiciously slowed down rate of adoption, we wouldn't get sophie until between 2010 and 2012. more like 2009 if they sped up again.

after looking at a blog of a friend of a friend who went to china to adopt an older child w/ a minor deformity, bob and i started to wonder again if we should look into adopting a child with minor needs. we had asked our caseworker if it's relatively easy to adopt a child with minor special needs months ago and she told us that those children are chosen just as fast as "healthy" children and that children who are easily available have major special needs. however, considering our caseworker's history of basically not knowing what she is doing and making many, many major mistakes, i decided to call another caseworker at our agency this time to ask her opinion. this other caseworker said she matched 4 families just w/in this year w/ children who had hardly anything wrong with them (example: one boy had a growth in his back--however, it's been surgically removed in china and now nothing is wrong w/ him except the fact that he's older now that adoptive parents have passed him up b/c he was what our agency calls a "child of promise"--so sad). there is a list of children of promise that comes out quarterly--it lists the children, their ages, and their abnormality. parents who originally signed up for a child of promise may have first choice, but we can choose the children on that list that we are willing to adopt and our choices go to bethany's michigan office. there, they pray over the parents, their choices and the children before they match up parents w/ children. so...if we chose 5 children from the list, we might be matched up w/ a child if they don't all get matched up w/ other parents first. we are thinking that if we went this route, we could hopefully adopt sometime w/in 2008.

now, the point is not to sidestep God's will. we both are certain that God called us to adopt from china. so it would be a big mistake to adopt a child of promise instead of just waiting for a healthy baby---if it's God's will for us to just wait. and...china could mysteriously speed up again after the olympics. so...after days of praying about it, bob and i feel at peace about adopting a child of promise.
God has brought to mind many things that only support that decision...Jesus said when you have a feast, don't invite those who can pay you back but instead invite the blind, lame, crippled...Jesus also said "'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Then the righteous will answer Him, "Lord, when did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?" The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine you did for me.'"

another thing i remembered was asking our caseworker years ago when we first began if we could sign up for a child with minor special needs if we knew what the special needs were. she had warned us that if we did that, we wouldn't be sure of what we were getting. not knowing the correct info., she didn't tell us we could sign up for a healthy baby and choose a special needs child from the children of promise list whenever we wanted if we wanted to change. when we found this info. out this past friday, thoughts started to flood my mind like we could be waiting for our 2nd child by now. while we were not open to a 2 or 3 yr. old when we first started b/c of attachment issues, we probably would have become open to it a year ago. however, God is in control of this situation b/c we have given it into His hands. whatever the difficulty of this situation, God will give us strength thru it all. perhaps, it was meant to be delayed so that Bob could start the adoption org. he has just started. God has His reasons and we must trust Him!

we continue to pray about our future child, who we are not even certain is a girl yet. don't fret, those who bought me stuff that says "Sophie" on it! :) we will have a daughter someday and she will be named sophie. we just have to pray and ask God who it is He wants us to bring into our home. all the chinese decor will fit either a girl or boy, but he/she might not be a one-year-old. our child could possible be between 1 and 4 years. we just don't know yet. i've been following a blog of families that have gone to china and have their 3 and 4 yr olds and they are surviving (thank you, stacie, for forwarding!). their children are all cuties and very near perfect health. one boy has a missing finger, another girl has an eye problem, etc. it is very precious that one little 4 yr old boy keeps reaching for his new daddy and always wants to be held by him--he has never had a daddy figure before. ironically, my brother supplied us with a toddler bed and clothes for many different ages already!

we feel very at peace about this decision. afterall, our intent was always to adopt a child who needs adopting, not one who will be adopted by someone else. if we just wanted healthy babies, we would obviously try to have our own, which would probably happen in one night, knowing the history of abundantly fertile genes in our families (not that you can predict if your own children will come out ok). why are we waiting for a quote unquote perfect baby when there are so many toddlers with minor health problems who need adopting?! i actually feel more at peace about this adoption now than i ever have.

Wednesday, Oct. 3, 2007
There are rumors it could go past two years of waiting, which would mean it would go past this august of '08 since our log-in date is August of '06. Let's hope the rumors aren't true. The earliest we could get her is this spring, but like I said, at the rate China is moving right now to match up babies to parents, that won't happen. But I still hope it does!

Thursday, September 28, 2006
We finally received a "log-in" date for Sophie! China finally let our agency know our log-in date, which is the date our paperwork was logged in to their computer system. The date it was logged in is August 15. We are now one step further in the process. It'll probably be a year to a year and a half from that date that we go to China to pick up little Sophie.

I deliver donations to Ruth and my insomnia problem # 5,839 is solved...

2008-01-25T20:39:00.000-08:00

The wednesday before this past Wednesday, I visited a student, Ruth, who has been in and out of the hospital with surgeries and appointments because of a dibilitating disease that's attacking her bones and teeth. I went there to deliver money that was raised by selling hand-knit hats and scarves to my church members and a few family members to help pay for her medical bills and to tell her how much I miss her sweet, smiling face in my classroom. When I walked over to the chair she was sitting in, she grabbed hold of me, held me tightly for a long hug and wept on my shoulder after I gave her a card with the money. She's had hip surgery, which eased the pain in her back and will soon have knee surgery by a kind doctor who is doing the hip and knee surgeries for free! She saved money for 8 years just to make a downpayment on dental work. Her teeth have been falling out and it's very difficult for her to talk, even in her native Spanish, with only a few teeth left on the top roof of her mouth. The money raised by my church and family is a small but important slice of the pie; it totaled almost $200. Most money was raised by the West Chicago church that hosts the ESL classes and by our own generous students who made homemade treats and donated money to eat the treats during our classes' break times. Enough money was raised so that Ruth can now pay in full for the dental work that she needed and also have better quality dental work done than she had originally planned! She has saved money for so long and gone so many years without needed treatment and is now suddenly blessed. She is praising God for it! And she was gracious enough to mention that practicing filling out information forms in English in class helped her fill out forms at the hospital. This made my heart happy--that teaching English does make a difference.

What does this have to do with my whistling nose spawned insomnia? A man from the family she lives with asked me if I wanted him to pray for me--for my insomnia and subsequent heart trouble (not serious or fatal) that I mentioned as part of the explanation for why I didn't visit her when she was in the hospital. Of course, I accepted the kind offer. He prayed an amazingly passionate prayer in Spanish--a very long prayer on my behalf, for which I was so grateful, considering that Ruth is in much worse condition and has surely suffered so much more than I have. Ruth, who came slowly limping to class every day before her surgeries, who had to watch her body deteriorate for years before her eyes, due to lack of money and resources, wept for me as this man prayed. How small my suffering is compared to hers and yet, she prayed and wept for her English teacher. After he prayed, I prayed for Ruth. When our prayers ended, I felt an amazing weight being lifted from me and I just knew everything was going to be ok. That night, I had a whole night of sleep and have been sleeping decently ever since. So yes, I bought a humidifier, but God has answered prayer. And no, it wasn't just psychological. I didn't sleep better just because I felt better. I had been feeling really relaxed and sleepy before that and had already had the humidifier going for a couple days, but just couldn't fall asleep because my nose was so noisy. That night, my nose suddenly stopped whistling enough for me to fall asleep. Thank you, dear Lord! But thank you most of all for using us to be the hands and feet of Christ to help Ruth!

Phoebe, the liaison between World Relief and the West Chicago church where we teach English, visits Ruth in the hospital before Christmas and tells her about the fundraising we've been doing on her behalf. Phoebe was the catalyst and organizer of the fundraising and has given many hours to assisting Ruth in her dealings with doctors and payments. Ruth is overwhelmed and holds a picture Phoebe took of some of the students and us outside of the church.

This picture is below. In the front row center, my student Apolinar holds the donation jar:

Insomnia problem # 5,839

2008-01-10T06:12:00.000-08:00

So...my latest insomnia problem, since having our addition completed over a year ago, is a noisy, whistling nose. It's driving me crazy. My Internet research this morning (it's usually more helpful than seeing a doctor, unfortunately) yielded the suggestions of somehow sticking Borofax ointment up my nose, adding Karo corn syrup to my neti pot of salt water solution, a nasal saline irrigator, a humidifier in the room, and possibly antiseptic for bacteria (1 teasp. vinegar or 1-3 tabsps. boric acid powder). Whatz with boric acid being advised for everything from killing ants to sticking it in a womanly area to get rid of yeast infections?! Do I want to use something that blows up ants? Here's an outstanding picture of some half-naked hippie guy washing out his nose from Jalanetipot.com:

Get more exciting tips about washing out your body on Jalanetipot.com!!!

Whoowee...Stupidbowl is coming up....

2008-01-03T06:19:00.000-08:00

"GOTTA SUPPORT THE TEAM"

Recognize this guy? It's Elaine's facepainting boyfriend David Puddy on Seinfeld.

Yeah, so I guess I'm a real American fuddy duddy, unlike Puddy--don't care for sports, fast food, burgers and hot dogs, minivans & SUVs (no offense), TVs in every room, sloppy men wearing their caps backwards in the nice restaurants their wives drug them to as they wait for football season to start, shopping, soda pop, beer...AND HELP!!!....STUPIDBOWL IS COMING UP!!!....Yes, most people I know, including friends and relatives, will be watching...But I will be eating at Benihana's with fellow football avoiders Brad and Susan, thank you very much. A few years ago, we started including these friends in our tradition of enjoying a restaurant that's crowded all year except for Stupidbowl Sunday. Last year, we were going to have fondue at our house, but decided to up that one for New Year's and instead ate at the Mongolian Grill, which turned out to be a little annoying, despite the yummy food. There were a couple Puddy types running the grill, with their faces glued to the TV sets over the bar area. The TVs were so loud that even in the back of the restaurant, it was hard to talk. Our male server and the grillers were visibly annoyed that they had to work and that we were there, wanting food grilled. We were treated like unpatriotic offenders. So much for getting away from Stupidbowl. And Brad, who doesn't drink much but didn't want his manhood questioned by our annoyed server, ordered a beer.

I think I will resurrect a A description of football from last year's blog. I found this gem on the web. It's by some guy named John Brizzolara:
"Football is two lines of identically clad automatons facing each other with a little ball. They bash into each other, advancing or retreating a few yards. Someone gets hauled off the field on a stretcher, and the little ball resumes moving back and forth a little bit. The men resume bashing. Someone throws the ball; it is either caught or it isn't. Running, then more bashing and jumping on a pile of men, anonymous except for the numbers on their uniforms." Yeah, so that just about sums up all I know, and ever want to know, about this game.

The ringing in of 2008

2008-01-01T15:26:00.000-08:00

Bobbo and I had a wine tasting this year for New Year's. All the wines were tasty--gee, is that

b/c we served our favorites? We hope our guests enjoyed them as much as we have. I made WAY too much food, so we know no one went home hungry! Now...for the New Year's resolutions!

Brad gives a gregarious laugh as Susan snaps photos

Rob and Sheila enjoying vino in the kitchen

Dave, Revell and Mildred. This was our last hurrah with Rev and Mildred since they are abandoning us to move to North Carolina. Boohoo!
Rachel and Dave enjoy some eats:
Despite receiving new beds for Xmas (old ones were getting stinky), Sienna still double-stacks them--the more cushion, the better! We have to pull them apart sometimes so Mick can have a bed.

After New Year's, we took down the tree and decorations--I am always sad to see them go. Bob enjoyed playing with his train set again this year--he's had it since the early 80s!

And the trolley leaves Christmas town...

Christmas '07

2007-12-26T18:05:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve at our house. This year, white lights and new blue and silver bulbs:

Sienna demands attention from Uncle Dan. Her eyes glow like an alien in the dim light:

Mickey and Sienna get Christmas cookies from Grandpa & Grandma Schmid. They also got bones the next day from Grandpa & Grandma Zimmerle. Spoiled doggies:

Gift opening time with the Schmids:

What's Christmas without the dads opening shirt boxes?

Christmas Day at my parents' place:

Yummy homemade cookies my mom made:

This year had many nice festivities, including parties I had with my ESL students who generously showered me with thank yous, hugs, and gifts. I keep telling them that I'm only doing my job as a teacher and that they don't need to thank me for it! The Saturday night before Xmas, the Buckley clan had us over for visiting, gift exchanging, and a lovely homecooked Italian meal, as Aunt Donna is part Italian.

The Friday night before Xmas, we went to Coco Pazo Italian restaurant in the city with friends Mildred and Revell:

After dinner, we walked down Michigan Ave. looking at window displays and lights and then had dessert and tea at the Ritz Carlton Cafe. Mildrecita stands in front of their grand tree:

In front of the large, beautiful fountain, which you can't really see in this picture. I love going to the peaceful Ritz around Xmas time, sitting on the plush furniture and having sweets, while listening to piano and the fountain. Prior years, the Ritz had huge gingerbread town displays and a chocolate fountain, where a server would dip fruit in the chocolate for guests. I was hoping that was still there, but alas, it wasn't. New Chef I guess. Still a nice time. And the chocolate souffle was out of this world decadent:

Beautiful handknit hats and scarves a retired lady was kind enough to make (90 sets!) to sell in order to raise money for a student of mine with a dibilitating disease and high medical bills. It was truly a Christmas blessing to raise money to pay for her dental surgery. Our students at World Relief, churches in West Chicago, my church members, relatives, etc. were all very generous in donating. My student has been saving up for 8 years just to make a downpayment and lost all her teeth in the meantime. She will have a new smile soon and an easier time trying to pronounce new English words.

My friend Jean and I celebrate Xmas a couple days late at Benihana's:

2007-11-18T15:25:00.000-08:00

Isabel's shower

Grandma Janet

Uncle Dan
Mom and Dad

The Schmid and Buckley clan

Aunt Sally and Uncle Bob's first meeting with Isabelita in Oct.

Grandpa Chuck

Great Uncle Terry

Great Aunt Donna

Around the house...

2007-11-12T04:50:00.000-08:00

I took these pics a couple weeks ago, when it was still nice outside. This was an amazingly warm fall and the trees are beautiful colors. My pansies are still doing well, despite the frost this past week:

I don't want to see the good weather pass! We love to sit out on the deck, especially on lazy Sunday when we usually sit and read. But hey, now it's reading by the fireplace, which is also nice.

I caught a play-fight between Mick and Sienna:

Then, sniffing and affection--a rare sight for Mick:

Italia here I come

2007-11-09T08:52:00.000-08:00

Sharon, who I've known since 4th grade, is studying art restoration in one of my favorite places in the world, Italia. I will visit her in Firenze (Florence) February. Whoo hoo!

Washington DC trip

2007-11-02T07:58:00.001-07:00

walking toward the capitol

at the capitol

sitting on the wall in front of the capitol

view from the other side of the wall, lawn in front of the capitol

hallway ceiling in capitol; hallways were very ornate

the old house of representatives; statues of people who made their mark in american history now stand around the room while tourists pass through and tour guides try to entertain tourists by telling them that john adams could hear private conversations across the room if he put his head on his desk b/c of the unique acoustics.

ceiling of that room

this room had paintings of the first congressmen in action, a scene from the revolutionary war, etc. italian men (of course) were hired to paint detail around the walls and ceiling.

ceiling of the same art gallery:
a family of italian brothers (i believe it was six italian brothers) were hired to carve big abe. it's unbelievable that the lincoln monument is merely a HUGE statue of lincoln in a HUGE building.

the washington monument (it's rather ugly up close) and the reflecting pool, seen from the top of the steps of the lincoln monument--this is big abe's view:

it is what it says

each column represents a U.S. state to honor the soldiers who came from those states; the circle is cut in half--one half honors those who fought in the pacific and one half honors those who fought in the atlantic. the open four-post building honors the atlantic theater; the places of battles are carved nearby

these stars honor heroes

vietnam veterans memorial statue

the smithsonian institute's castle, where the first keepers of the smithsonian museum lived; the flower gardens were gorgeous
three paintings from one of the art museums; all paintings are from the late 1500s or early 1600s and are flemish or dutch

i find pictures of domestic life from the 1600s and before fascinating

daniel and the lions

the air and space museum was mostly a playland for men and boys. of course bob took this picture. the first plane to go the speed of sound:

this teeny tiny contraption is a space capsule used for either the first manned space trip or the first trip to the moon. the man couldn't stand up; there was only enough room to sit in one position and it didn't even look big enough for that inside. you would never get me in there, even on earth. how do you say claustrophobic?

this contraption, that looks like some kid's science project, transported men from the space capsule to the moon.

these sticks and pieces of canvas make up the first wright brothers plane. i didn't see it in person. i got bored with the planes and ended up wandering through an outerspace exibit that explained outerspace and the science behind discovering it.

we also went to the native american museum, but i didn't take any pics there. it was an amazing place that told the history of many tribes. there were many videos playing first-hand accounts from indians telling about their culture. the amount of info. was overwhelming and my feet were hurting bad at that point so i walked through everything quickly, admiring colorful native artifacts. it was the only DC museum we visited with good cafeteria food--they were actually serving native foods, like indian tacos, spicy chicken soup (southwest), fry bread, squash, avocado shakes, etc.

Camping on a cliff at Nelson Dewey State Park & hiking at Wyalusing State Park in WS, '07 & '06 trips

2007-11-02T06:29:00.000-07:00

Camping trip '07

We love camping on this cliff. We have to park nearby and then haul our stuff down a woodsy trail to this area. The stars are bright and beautiful at night. While sitting by the campfire at night and staring into the sky, I saw three falling stars.

Snuggling with doggies in tent

I am proud to say I found this perfect stick for dual roasting from the nearby wooded area. I then sharpened it with Bob's pocket knife for our Kosher hot dogs.

Bob roasts the hot dogs

Hiking: View from Wyalusing State Park cliff

This spot overlooks where the Wisconsin and Mississippi Rivers meet. It would be a perfect pic if I hadn't been wearing that ultra dorky hiking outfit! Orange doesn't go with pink in this instance, Sally. It's a bird...It's a plane...No, it's Superdork!

My three beloved creatures

Camping trip '06

Mickey loves the tent. Camping is an extended doggie walk for him.

Me, cooking steaks over the fire at our site. Yes, the big environmentalist does make campfires about once a year. But it's only once a year...

Where the rivers meet

View from where we like to stop and have lunch.

On the way home. Tired out!

Hike for Hunger

2007-10-13T14:23:00.000-07:00

Money raised:

A: $20

B: No show

C: $135

D: $155

E: $80

F: $30

G: $25

H: $205

I: $75

J: $20

K: $25

L: $130

M: No show

N: $50

O: $20

Total raised: $970

i am very encouraged to see how a small group of people can be used by God. all of this money will go to world relief org. to be used by their aid workers for the most needy around the globe. world relief provides food, water, shelter, assistance with farming techniques, health care education, etc.

The Bob man and I at Millenium Park

2007-10-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

Chicago Botanical Garden 2006-07:

Shorty pants

2007-10-03T17:56:00.000-07:00

My friend Mildred makes me look short. Ha ha...

Things You Can Do to End Modern Slavery

2007-10-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

most of the following ideas from http://www.theamazingchange.com/:

1. Sign the Petition (on the amazing change website). Become an abolitionist by signing the Petition to End Modern Day Slavery. Take the petition to your school, church, family, friends, et al., and then send it to us (mailing address provided on petition).
2. See "Amazing Grace." This film is a great introduction to the work of William Wilberforce, an original abolitionist. Learn how you can carry on his legacy. Get educated about the horrors of historical and modern day slavery and share what you've learned with others.
3. Raise funds to free slaves. Use the tools on the amazing change website, such as Loose Change to Loosen Chains, to start your own fundraising campaign. Make a long-term commitment to give sacrificially to help bring relief from slavery. Dedicated financial giving sustained over a long period of time will help organizations doing the work of abolition.
4. Educate yourself and buy responsibly. Use the resources on the site to learn about the horrors of historical and modern day slavery. Become a smart consumer, learn more about Fair Trade and communicate with retailers and manufacturers that you demand goods made free of slavery in the supply chain. Check out http://www.antislavery.org/ and http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/ for more information.
5. Show solidarity. Buy The Amazing Change T-Shirt and tell friends and family about your mission to abolish slavery.
6. Pray. Commit yourself to pray for abolition until slavery is wiped out. For a list of prayer suggestions go to http://www.amazinggracesunday.com/.
7. Encourage your church and school to become abolition organizations at http://www.notforsale.com/.
8. Write to your government representatives. Persevere. The work of justice will require perseverance and courage. It will also require the voices of many. Commit yourself to use your influence, time and money to end slavery in all its forms. To learn more about human trafficking, go to http://www.ijm.org/ (International Justice Mission) or http://www.humantrafficking.org/.

Buy Fair Trade:
Products that are certified as Fair Trade (the TransFair USA logo has a person holding two pots) haven't been processed by slave labor and farmers who don't earn a livable wage: "FLO International, together with the Fair Trade movement, aims for the highest impact possible on disadvantaged producers and workers in developing countries. World market prices for coffee, rice and other commodities are highly volatile and often below the costs of production. A stable price, that covers at least production and living costs, is an essential requirement for farmers to escape from poverty and provide themselves and their families with a decent standard of living." If we donate to org.s like World Vision that helps families financially sustain themselves (and avoid the temptation to sell their children as slaves--mostly for prostitution), let's also try to support these products when possible! Fair Trade Certified products are available at some national retailers: see http://www.transfairusa.org/content/WhereToBuy/.

Did you know there are thousands of slaves--actual slaves--in the U.S.?
View this video: www.http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=-8695323813766232874&hl=en